My Other Half
by Canucklehead1800
Summary: My heart pounded wildly as I pressed my back further into the abrasive wall, cutting my skin. I cried out but the words were only muffled by the terrifyingly icy-cold hands which wrapped themselves around my neck, weakening me slowly. "J--Jake. Help…"
1. Complications

**PREFACE**

Sometimes you feel like you can't fight the good fight; that you're too weak to make even the slightest move. In reality, all you need is a little support. That's what I got when I met _him._

I'd never given much thought to how I would survive this-to survive anything really. And even though he denied it at first, I felt his love and support. I wanted to feel warmth and in his smile, I did so. It was comforting, loving, and most of all homey. Home. That's what I got when I met _him._

**1. COMPLICATIONS**

**COLD.**

The north wind brisked up, just as the morning slowly turned into a more depressing gray afternoon, bringing rain so cold it turned to ice that stuck to everything and anything it touched. The bare branches of the trees along O'Halla Street were sheathed in a radiant armor which drug them down and froze them into place. A single tear gently caressed my cheek as I stood in the now vacant bedroom-a place, which used to be my own-for what seemed like hours, knowing I'd never see the familiar surroundings of my Chesapeake home again. Home. The word seems only foreign to me now.

I watched dreadfully as the rain turned to ice on the window of the vacant room; knowing it'll be too long until I see the sun again, feel its blistering heat against my russet toned skin. It had only been drizzling for the past week and hadn't taken long for the sun to squeeze its way through the thick, gray clouds-but ever since I sadly agreed to leave…it seemed that Sunny Chesapeake had only become dark and twisty. Luckily, it had only drizzled long enough for Mom and me to finish packing.

In northwest Washington State, there was a diminutive town named Forks, which exists beneath a near never-ending, cloud-covered sky. It was in this town that Mom decided she and I move-a town she felt was 'healthier' and 'homier' for me. Leaving my friends,-the people I practically grew up with-killed me inside. My mother told me that she thought the move would be healthier for me if I started all over, fresh-though I hadn't wanted to. I was holding onto something that used to be there-the memories-hoping I would receive _something_ in return, though I knew I wouldn't. And the days went by like paper in the wind. _Everything_ changed and changed again.

The _painful_ _absence_ of my father changed me. It changed everything. It changed the way I lived my life, how my mother lived hers. Every night, I could hear myself screaming, as if a nightmare had forcefully wrapped itself around my head, resembling a hat, which was fitted too tight for comfort, unable to remove. I screamed so loud upon waking my 'dead-to-the-world' sleeping Mother-rushing into my room. Usually, she would leave me to handle my nightmares on my own, and I was grateful for that, knowing how helpless she felt. I was also thankful that she wouldn't bring it up the following day during breakfast. As the years passed, the nightmares became worse, practically haunting my once happy life. Ever since he died-I've felt as if a part of me died with him-the jubilant girl I once was.

It was to Forks that I now exiled myself-an action that I take with great hatred. When I was a child, Nina, my mother, always told me to, "Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost." Back then, I never really understood the meaning of the phrase. But now that my father's time was up…I now only felt regret and blamed myself for his succumbing disappearance. It felt as if a hole would be punched through my chest if I left-left the memories behind and developed newer ones. My mother told stories about my living in La Push and visiting Forks-hoping it'd change the way I felt about leaving Chesapeake…though it hadn't, really. Although Chesapeake wasn't the hottest of states, it wasn't the coldest-unlike Forks. To me, Forks was just too dreary for me to enjoy.

As a farewell gesture, I wore my favorite pants and shirt. My pants were a pair of tattered light blue jeans with holes and tears throughout and the shirt was a black button-down with three-quarter sleeves. The drive to the airport, however, was what I dreaded most and sadly, it hadn't taken long for the cab driver to arrive there. I stared at the building through my foggy window with vast hatred, and only tried to play it off when Mom repeated her question on whether I was sure I wanted to prolong the move.

"Raeleigh," my Mother said to me-the last of a thousand times-before we walked inside the airport. "You don't _have _to do this."

"_You don't have to do this." _Her words danced around in my head, teasing my wanting to turn around. Mom and I look just alike, though she has shorter hair and laugh lines. My hair length was passed my shoulder blades, black with an insignificant hint of red. My hair was curly; almost as if it had a mind of its own-with layers added to give it body and style. We were also the same height-five feet seven. And since I was always into sports, my body build became muscular while hers stayed slim. I felt a jolt of guilt tugging at my heart as I stared into my Mother's wide, forest green, childlike eyes. I could tell just by the way she looked at me that she wanted to move somewhere more familiar, fun.

"No, I _want _to go," I lied. I shuffled my feet against the floor and looked away from my mother's playful eyes-not wanting to give in. She'd always wanted to move back to Forks. And saying "no" would have only killed her. I'd always been a terrible liar, but I've been telling myself this particular lie so frequently…I had almost begun to believe it.

Mom hadn't responded. I knew she figured out I'd been lying and when I looked up at her, her expression said it all. She eyed me for a few short moments and repositioned her stance into a more independent posture before crossing her arms. "You do realize that I do know you a bit better than that, right?" she asked me-her tone hardened. I looked away from her, feeling somehow defeated. "Raeleigh, if you didn't want to move, then why did you agree to in the first place?"

I scoffed slightly to myself and kept my attention away from her. I hadn't wanted to answer her pleading inquiry because I knew that if I told her the ugly truth, it'd kill her. Deep down, Mom wanted me to have the want to move to Forks-to have the want to see Sam, Billy, Charlie and the others-to remember them. And deep down, I couldn't force myself to have those wants. Moving from one place to another isn't usually a hardship for most families. Sure, there's a lot of stress and some sadness when leaving your friends-but I feel as if I'm not only leaving my friends, but also leaving _everything_ behind.

"Never be afraid of anything, Rae. Because if you show your fear-it'll only come back and bite you on the ass," Mom told me firmly-a quote she and my father told me when I was younger. "Go out with a bang. Head first-and never look back." She was insistent and I hated it. "What is it that you're running from?" She asked me.

"Somewhere so…" I breathed, "…unfamiliar seems almost dangerous to me," I admitted, studying the creases in my hands. "I wish," I continued in a whisper, "I wish you could feel the…complexity…the insecurity I feel."

"Raeleigh, there is absolutely nothing you need to be insecure about," Mom told me sweetly, placing her hand on my cheek as she caressed it gently. "Wouldn't you rather be in a place that doesn't consume your mind of bad memories?" She asked me.

"I'd rather be in a place that consumes my mind with good memories," I responded almost too quickly.

"Chesapeake isn't healthy for you anymore, Raeleigh…" Mom started-resting her hand on my shoulder. I hung my head low, not wanting to believe it-but I knew the words she spoke were more than false. "…not since after the crash."

"I know," I whispered lowly. So low, it was almost inaudible. "Do you think Dad would've wanted me to go to Forks?" I asked after a moment of silence and looked up at her with hopeful eyes.

"Definitely."

I nodded and pulled the strap of my carry on bag more securely on my shoulder and looked at the front entrance of the airport. "Are you sure this'll be the best for me?" I asked, uncertain.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, baby," she told me lovingly before hugging me tightly. "It'll be an adventure of a lifetime. You'll grow into new things and meet great people." She pulled away from me, her hands resting on my shoulders. "And there're plenty of good memories to go 'round."

I laughed and nodded in response. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The flight from Chesapeake to Seattle took six-hours, following an hour to Port Angeles, and then an hour drive back down to Forks. The flying wasn't something that necessarily bothered me, the long hours, or having to get on and off two separate planes-the part of Charlie driving Nina and I back to his place was what made things awkward for me. Charlie had truly been quite pleased about the move and that Mom and I were staying for good this time. And according to Mom, Sam already registered me for high school in La Push.

Mom had been in a better mood since we landed in Port Angeles, which, as she had said, took exactly an hour. I have to say though, that that particular hour was the longest and most wretched hour I ever endured. When we got off the plane, Mom noticed Charlie waiting for us by the cruiser. I had to admit, seeing him again was more satisfying than I anticipated. He wasn't the garrulous type like Mom and Dad, which sort of put a cramp in my side as he gave me an awkward one-armed hug when I stumbled my way toward him. "It's good to see you again, Rae," he welcomed me, giving my shoulder a gentle tap. "Here, let me grab that from you," he suggested, taking my rather lightweight carry on bag off my back, just after taking Mom's. The pack had been so light, I even forgot I had it strapped on my back. I knew Charlie was being courteous, which wasn't really like him, but went with it anyhow. I pulled the bag off and handed it to him-the bag swinging from side to side as I did so. "I bet you ladies are tired, huh?" He asked as he put the bags in the trunk.

"I know I am but I'm not sure about Rae. She slept on the way here," Mom explained and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

"No problem. We're all going to watch a movie tonight at Billy's if you two would like to join?" Charlie invited with a small shrug.

"What movie?" I asked, slightly interested.

"I don't know," Charlie replied glumly. I made a face and slouched slightly. "The boys were arguing about it when I left to come and get you two. Hopefully they've made a decision by now. I don't want to have to do something about it."

_Oh yeah, _I thought to myself as I raised my brows, _I'm shakin' in my boots_, I finished with a hint of sarcasm. It's been ten years since I've seen Charlie Swan-Chief of Police-but never in my years have I known him to be scary or anything else relating to it.

"We should probably start heading on over. I don't want Billy to start worrying," Mom suggested as she walked for the front seat of the cruiser. I followed her lead and slipped into the backseat. Unfortunately, the seats weren't the most comfortable. I tried repositioning myself on the hard cushions repeatedly, but the attempts failed miserably.

"So, I know your birthday is coming up in a few months…" Charlie started, catching me off guard after the first twenty minutes of pure silence in the car. "…do you have any ideas on what you'd like?"

"A car," I answered, almost too quickly. Charlie chuckled and Mom smirked to herself. "I'm just grateful for whatever I get, really."

The rest of the trip was more pleasant than I thought. Charlie isn't one for being talkative, but he and Mom shared some funny stories with me, commented on the weather-which was mostly wet-, his busy work schedule, Bella…but when Mom mentioned a name she'd never mentioned before, the unfamiliar name grasped my attention almost instantly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…wait a minute," I started and sat up straighter in my seat. "Who're the Cullen's?" I asked and leaned closer in between their seats.

"Bella is dating a Cullen. His name is Edward," Charlie grunted lowly as he pulled into the driveway, which I assumed was to Billy's house. From his tone, I had a strong feeling that Charlie didn't like this Edward guy too much. I'm usually not one to bud into other people's business-but if Charlie is going to be my family…that means, I'd like to get to know this Edward kid.

I furrowed my brows tightly and coughed a laugh, "It sounds as if you're categorizing them," I told him softly. "A Cullen," I imitated.

"Believe me, baby, they're a category all in their own," Mom replied grimly before following Charlie out of the car.

I coughed another laugh and sighed in thought, "Tough crowd," I grunted lowly to myself before following Mom to the back of the cruiser to gather our bags and as I grabbed mine, I couldn't help but think of the way Charlie spoke of Edward. What had he done that was so disapproving? I turned to face the small red house and found myself intrigued with La Push's beauty. Everything was green. The branches of the trees along the entrance of the woods were covered in layers of moss. It was as beautiful as Mom described it-though experiencing it for what feels like the first time feels like something you can't compare with anything else.

"We should probably head inside before it starts raining," Charlie suggested in a murmur as he quickly headed toward the house. Mom followed Charlie, wrapping her arm around his shoulders, and mumbled something about Emily but I couldn't quite make out her words. I unhurriedly made my way towards the house, enjoying the quiet surrounding me. It was peaceful like Chesapeake and something I can definitely live with. Mom squealed as she entered the house, welcoming everyone with tight hugs and gentle kisses.


	2. Flirst Glance

The weather La Push offered was nice, crisp, and chilly but not overwhelmingly so. It welcomed me, the breeze gently whirling through my messy, curly hair as it too hugged my body. Its nature was homey like Chesapeake but at the same time completely different, though I couldn't distinguish what exactly. The move became a dilemma that I was already struggling with. Being happy was difficult for me-due to the fact that I lived in a supermassive black hole for the past five years of my life. A greater dilemma than the first. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings yet, and I most definitely didn't want to drag anyone down with me.

I knew I had about ten seconds before my too excited Mother came looking for me, but I didn't care at this moment. Charlie's cruiser wasn't parked too far away from me, so I decided to hang back a bit before being overly welcomed by everyone. Laying on the hood of the car, I stared into the sky and decided to clear my mind of all things irritable.

I closed my eyes, letting the breeze caress my skin gently as I fell into, I guess what you'd call a conscious slumber. Inevitably, the first thing that came to mind had been the Cullen boy, Edward, which Mom mentioned. I didn't really want to think about him but I couldn't seem to get him out of my head. The funniest part about the whole ordeal was the simple fact that I hadn't a clue what the kid even looked like, but figured he must be pretty cute for Bells to fall for him.

I painted a portrait of a young man around eighteen years old with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a breathtaking smile. His voice was as smooth as silk and was extremely charming. And he, of course, had pale skin-just like the other townspeople in Forks. A smile formed across my lips as I admired the picture I painted greatly. The thing I couldn't get my mind wrapped around was the disgust my Mom felt about him. Chesapeake had been her home for the past ten years-so what, from the other side of the United States-could have possibly set her off?

I shook my head in confusion and sat up on the hood. I furrowed my brows in thought of different possibilities as to why Billy and/or Charlie may feel about him but nothing came to me for Billy's reasoning. Charlie, on the drive here, mentioned something about Bella not being at home as much as she used to be, that she was constantly with Edward and Alice.

"_She broke his heart," _Charlie explained to my Mother, leaning in close so I couldn't hear, but I was too interested to not eavesdrop. _"He took off for a while, wouldn't talk to anyone about it-not even to Billy. He's been home for about a month now-but you can still see that it's killing him." _His tone ended the conversation. I knew, instantly, 'he' meant 'Jacob'.

Mom would be worried tonight. I could picture her glancing at Jacob every so often to try and read his expressions. Jacob was smart, I assumed anyhow, and would put on a façade to hide the painful tugging at his heart, but too knew that no one would be convinced that he was okay. It bothered me that Jacob was in pain. Being the too generous person that I am, I wanted to console Jacob, support him, and love him like a true friend would. I wanted to forget about all the excruciating pain that tore at _my_ heart and repair _his_.

"It's a beautiful night out tonight, huh?" I heard suddenly. The voice was familiar and it put a smile on my face. "Welcome back, Chère," Sam called sweetly. His words made it feel like, _Welcome Home._

My smile widened as I turned to him, admiring his sweet, gentle face-a face I could never forget. Though, the last time I saw him, he wasn't as tall as he is now. It seemed as though he were a whole foot taller than I-which, to me, is abnormally large. "Hey Sammy," I cooed.

"What are you still doing out here?" He asked with a slight chuckle following. He leaned on the cruiser, causing it to shift to the left a little.

"Admiring the silence," I told him honestly. It was more peaceful than Chesapeake, I admit, and the life which surrounded me was pleasing. "The weather is perfect, crickets singing, frogs croaking, and the trees dancing from side to side…it's beautiful out here."

Sam's smile widened as he turned away to admire the scenery I just described. "I told Nina I was worried you wouldn't like the constant rain and cold," he began and turned to me. "But I'm more than glad that you chose to come back."

I laughed a little and grabbed Sam's hand and gave it a squeeze. The heat which radiated off his skin and onto mine was unimaginable, almost fairytale-like. It was apparent to him that I'd noticed but I tried to not make a big cabaret about it. "Me too," I muttered softly and hung my head low for a mere moment before peering into his dark, yet sweet and gentle eyes. Though La Push's view was extravagant, part of me longed for my home in Chesapeake. The other part, the more adventurous part, wanted to wander around and explore forgotten memories from here.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, his voice full or curiosity and concern and grabbed my attention at once-pulling me away from my troubled thoughts.

I frowned, just a small change in the set of my mouth. Nothing too serious though. I could easily be frowning out of pure boredom. "I was thinking about Jake earlier," I told him suddenly, dodging his question. This too grabbed his attention as he seemed more interested about my sudden statement, rather than how I felt. His brows furrowed and he took a step closer toward me. Keeping silent, he let me continue. "Charlie mentioned him to Mom in the car; said 'she broke his heart'," I told him, putting the words in quotations of Charlie's dialogue. "What happened to 'em?"

He suppressed a sigh. He moved only his eyes, now set on a newer object. He hadn't wanted to answer me, I could tell, so I tried to change the question. "Alright…" I started, placing my hands in my lap and laced my fingers together. "Who's Edward?" I asked, raising my head toward the sky insufficiently. Sam met my fixated gaze and I could tell by his expression that the inquiry caught him off guard. He stared at me, mouth gaped open slightly, as if trying to read my mind or see through the façade.

"Edward Cullen is Bella's boyfriend," he told me, his voice calmer than the expression on his face. This had been the same words my mother spoke back in the car ride here. It was now _my _turn to read his expression.

I studied the look on Sam's face and noticed a few changes. His brows were pulled together slightly, and rather than his mouth being gaped open, his lips were pursed together.

"And?" I asked, tilting my head vaguely to the right.

"And we don't talk about him much," he told me, his tone firmer now. He too tilted his head to the right, mimicking me. "Really, we don't talk about him at all."

"Why?" I felt as if I was interrogating him. This time he sighed heavily in return. "Sam, you know I was friends with Bella. I'm back now…and if I want to rekindle said relationship with her, I'd like to get to know her boy-"

"What if I told you I'd rather you not get to know him?" He asked me suddenly, crossing his arms. His tone was much firmer now, almost in a lecture manner.

"What did he ever do to you?" I asked, defending the stranger. I didn't know why I was, really. I guess it was just in my nature to do so. I always cared for people-even complete strangers.

"He didn't do anything-"

"Then what's the big deal?" I asked, trying to compose my tone. "If he didn't do anything, then why do you guys hate him so much?" I asked, referring to my mother and Charlie as well.

"If you knew the story, you'd understand," he told me. I scoffed lowly in return. "But I don't think you'd even understand the story, Raeleigh."

I slid off the hood of the cruiser and stood in front of him, inches away. He towered over me, but I didn't feel intimidated by the drastic height difference between us. "I understand that it may be complicated, Samuel, but that's not a good enough reason. I will find out."

"Maybe when you're a bit older," he suggested, gently placing his hand against the back of my neck, his thumb on my cheek.

"Sure, sure," I grunted lowly before pulling away from his gentle yet firm grasp and making my way toward the house. Guilt washed over me. I hated arguing with Sam and knew he'd get over it sooner rather than later. He was never one to hold a grudge. But it still didn't make me feel any better. I wasn't even sure if I could call it an argument, really.

Sam made it into the house before me, his long strides helping him to walk faster. It seemed to be unpleasantly colder outside the moment he sauntered into the house, letting the door slam behind him. I exhaled heavily-not quite a sigh. I bit my bottom lip in thought of an apology as I slowly walked up the step and rested my hand on the frozen doorknob. _Why should I apologize? _I thought to myself, standing on the front porch completely motionless. _I didn't do anything wrong…right? _I asked myself.

Right.

When I walked into the house, my attention was immediately drawn toward Sam at the end of the hall. One in particular, one I didn't recognize-Jared or Paul-either grunted or growled at Sam. Either way, it wasn't a pleasant sound. I grimaced a little and peered closer though unfortunately, I couldn't hear what they were saying.

I forced myself to tear my gaze from them and stare at a picture-though I wasn't necessarily focused on the photo. Hanging my head low toward the photo, I tried to not look overly conspicuous as I kept my eyes in their general direction. I tried tuning out all other noises which surrounded me and thankfully the conversation between Sam and the angry boy became louder-though their words weren't the clearest, I tried to make out what I could.

"_What in the hell are we supposed to do?" _The angry boy asked firmly, his voice full of irritation. _"We've done a lot but he's just not wanting to accept it. We don't even know if that's even going to happen in the near future!" _He added.

Then it became inaudible again. Nothing the angry boy, whom I assumed to be Paul, made sense. What was supposed to happen, and if what, to whom? It seemed that everything had become a mystery, which I found to be intriguing. A mystery that wasn't my place to bud in, I reminded myself. Paul's voice became audible once more, pulling me out of my daze.

"_We've tried, Sam! What the hell do you think we're doin' in our spare time? He ain't havin' it. What he needs to figure out is he can't fix everything that's ever happened." _he explained, his tone more furious now, causing me to gasp at the sudden volume of his voice. I listened intently. "_What I don't understand is that he still cares." _

It irritated me that I couldn't hear Sam's responses. I grunted to myself as I tried to pay closer attention to them.

"_I don't like 'em either, Sam, but what do you want me to do about it? I'm not the one in control here," _His voice was still firm, but not quite as loud as earlier. My breathing became heavier the more I listened, _"They're nothing but a bunch of leeches, even her. Sooner or later that kid's gonna figure it out and get his crap together," _he commented lowly_. "What that kid needs to do is find someone else who'll truly love him because he can't keep chasing the same girl who doesn't want him back."_

It took me less than a minute to understand that they'd been talking about Jacob all along. What I didn't understand, however, was everything they were talking about in which involved him. I had a feeling it had to do with Bella and Edward. What had happened to Jacob that had Sam and Paul all worked up?

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I became a little flustered with all the questions brewing inside my already cluttered mind. I wanted to ask Sam or Paul about their conversation, but I knew it wasn't my place. I was already too curious for my own good. If I tried talking to Jacob, how would he react? Would be become furious with my bringing up an already heartbreaking subject? Or would he stop long enough to listen to what I had to say?

What _could_ I say? I knew telling him that everything was going to be okay just wasn't good enough. I wanted to help but no advice came to mind. Maybe what Jacob needed wasn't a few consoling words. No. Perhaps what he really needed was for someone to love him the way he loved her.

Mom called to me as I sauntered into the living room. Holding out her hand, she took mine gently and smiled a little. "Are you okay?" she asked me.

I looked into her playful eyes-her lively eyes-and nodded after a short moment. "Yeah, I'm gonna go take a walk. Is that cool?"

"But everybody is so excited to see you," she complained-her smile fading slightly.

"I won't be long, I promise."

When I left the house, my first thought was to just get away from everything-to try and clear my head once again, though as I walked, my attempt at clearing my mind failed. Instead, I was thinking about the flood of information Paul shared with Sam, trying to force it all to make sense. Despite the overload, I felt better. At least I knew I was able to get my mind off of my Dad and concentrate on other things. Knowing Jacob was hurting, his problems thrashed out…it didn't make things perfect, but it made them better on my behalf. Knowing what it's like to have lost someone, I now know I was capable of consoling him.

First Beach was where I ended up. A beach I wasn't ever able to forget, no matter how hard I tried. The scenery was just as beautiful as I last remembered. I smiled, the warm, familiar smile that I had missed so much. I was right to have come here. I walked further into the sunset, while the night wasn't completely engulfed in darkness and noticed a familiar piece of driftwood-an entire tree-slightly discolored and beached deep in the sand, which lay just a few feet away from the shore.

The water was a dark gray, even in the sunlight. Islands rose out of the waters with cliff sides, reaching to uneven peaks, and crowned with austere, soaring firs. The water's edge had only a thin border of actual sand, after which it grew into millions of smooth stones that looked equivalently gray, but owned their own unique hue. Driftwood trees, some discolored and some bleached bone-white, were strewn into a half-moon like manner just along the tide line. Some were piled together against the edges of the forest perimeter while others lay introverted, just out of reach of the waves.

It wasn't long until I was accompanied, and it so-happened to be the one person I couldn't stop thinking about. He looked different-bigger than Sam-but there was still something about him that remained the same as I last remembered. He stood just before the shore-line, his face blank with shock. "Raeleigh?"

"Hey J.B!" I shouted, a nickname I gave him when we were younger.

"Oh my God, Raeleigh!" He yelled back in mid-laugh, running toward me. Now only a foot away, he ambled closer to me and took my hands in his. "Wow, look at you! You look amazing! When did you get here?" He asked hurriedly, excitedly.

I laughed, "You look really good too," I told him, I inevitably noticing how the more beautiful he became. His always-beautiful, russet-toned skin and long, glossy black hair-pulled into a messy half-ponytail-practically glowed from the reflection from the moon. "Mom and I just got here about twenty minutes ago."

Jake and I meandered alongside the beach, letting the cool, crisp water splash against our feet. We talked for what seemed like forever about everything we missed over the years. I, too, wanted to ask him about his part of the story, but was too keyed up over his excitement. He gently traced the scar on my inner forearm-the scar leading from my wrist, all the way down just before the pit of my arm-with his finger, "How are you coping?" His voice became a whisper now.

I took in a deep breath, as if bracing myself for the breakdown. It was too early for him to see me…shattered. I wanted to skip this part. I wiped the beginning tear from my eye and softly chuckled, "I'm good," I lied with a nod.

His face puckered up like he'd just eaten a lemon. "I'm sorry," he started softly. "You know you don't have to say anything if you don't want," he apologized and took hold of my hand, intertwining it with his. His hand burned into mine-hotter than Sam's, I noticed-but I part of me didn't want to let go.

I smiled a little to myself, "C'mon. We should probably head home before my Mom and Charlie assemble a search-party on us," I suggested lowly and scooted off the natural bench. Jacob's grasp on my hand, however, prevented me from going any further. I turned to him and glanced at our intertwined hands before looking at him. "What?"

Jacob pushed himself off the bench and pulled me closer to him, hugging me tightly, "You know you can tell me anything, right?" He said-his words sounding more like a statement than a question-with his face buried in my neck. I tightened my arms around his waist and nodded in reply, knowing he'd feel the bobbing of my head against his balmy flesh.

I pulled away from him sooner than he wanted, but he recovered from the awkwardness it left us. He stared at me as if expecting something to happen. I hung my head low, unable to speak. The thought of my Dad hadn't crossed my mind the moment it was averted to something unfamiliar and a little more interesting, the moment my curiosity took charge.

"I make you nervous," he said suddenly. I slowly lifted my head up to him, looking into his dark eyes. His expression was hard to read. He looked…hurt? I couldn't tell but I didn't want him to feel that any more. "If something I said upset you-"

"Don't be stupid," I interrupted, giving him a playful nudge. I forced a grin on my face and thankfully the mask I wore was paying off. The worried expression across his face lightened. "I'm fine, don't worry about me. I'm stronger than you think."

He didn't respond verbally. Instead, he only nodded at my reassurance and took hold of my hand. "Alright. Let's go home."


	3. Distractions

Time passes, even for me. Even when it seems impossible. It passes irregularly, roughly, changing everything, but pass it does. Even for me.

The next morning, I spent most of the time doing whatever possible to shake off the latest nightmare. The scenery had changed to something completely out of the ordinary, or familiarity and the dream in itself was just plain odd. Sleeping was hopeful yet nonexistent. Hoping to get a full night's sleep was the only thing I was excited about at the end of the day-but it was obvious, the next morning, when I hadn't slept at all. Today was definitely one of those mornings. I couldn't help but catch the unmistakable aroma of a smoking burner rising from the kitchen. I laughed to myself as I shoved the battered copy of Romeo and Juliet into the pocket of my shorts, and ran downstairs. "Breakfast is ready!" I announced teasingly to my mother.

"Shut up, Raeleigh, and help me!" Mom called, fighting with the forever-growing smoke. Thankfully, it hadn't taken me long to revive the gas stove and to clean the burnt bacon pieces, which were scattered on the counter surrounding it.

I sighed heavily and turned to my mother, who sheepishly returned the gaze. She looked as if she were a child scolded by her parent or guardian. I wanted to laugh, but kept the stern expression across my face. "Remind me to teach you how to cook, ok?"

She glowered, "Sure, sure," she growled, imitating me. _This _time I did laugh. "It's official!" she announced, her tone much happier now, "Our first day home. What do you want to do today?" She asked, swaying from side to side slightly.

"I was actually thinking about going over to Jake's," I told her.

Despite the constant stomach churning in the pit of my stomach, I was thankful for the distraction when Jacob was with me. He was perpetually a happy-go-lucky kind of kid, and he carried that happiness like an aura. An aura he shared with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, he warmed them.

"Oh," Mom replied, frowning. She slouched slightly and I knew telling her my plans for the day had upset her. I sighed softly to myself, tossing the damp rag on the counter.

"Mom, I don't have to go. I mean, Jake doesn't even know I'm coming over," I told her, trying to sound reassuring. However, the expression on Mom's face hadn't altered, so I knew my attempt failed; I instantly felt guilty. "Mom…"

"No," She answered, waving her hands in front of me while shaking her head. "No. You go and have fun. Besides, it'll be good for the both of you to get your mind off of things."

I guess Mom was right. I needed the distraction, and it seemed that Jacob needed a good one too. "What're you going to do?"

Mom sighed and looked around the house. "Clean and unpack, more than likely. And since I can't cook worth a damn, maybe I'll persuade Charlie into going to the Lodge for lunch…maybe take Billy along." She crossed her arms and watched as I moved the pan from the stove to the sink. "What about you?"

Brushing the grunge off my hands, I slowly turned back to Mom and exhaled deeply. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head a little, "I haven't the slightest idea," I replied dully. "Is it cool if I borrow the car? I don't think Jake has a license yet."

"Sure." She pulled the keys from the belt loop of her jean shorts and tossed them at me.

"Thanks!" I turned my back on her but stopped myself instantly and faced her once more, "Are you sure you don't m-"

"Go!" Mom yelled, waving me on. She followed me to the door, "Go have fun, get dirty, get into trouble…I don't care, just have fun doing it," she demanded in a firm yet playful tone as I stepped out onto the front step. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten my coat.

I turned to her, "You want me to get into trouble?" I asked, though my words sounded more declaratory than interrogatory.

"Yes!" She called out. A look of bewilderment crossed my face. I crossed my arms and decided to let her think about her answer. "Well…okay, don't get into _too _much trouble, okay?" She asked. I smirked at her. "And…and try not to get too dirty. Those are nice clothes."

"You worry too much," I muttered as I made my way toward the car. "Don't worry about me, Mom," I started once I got to the driver side, "I'll be with Jacob."

"It's not being with _Jacob _I'm worried about," she mumbled back and disappeared into the house. My head already began to hurt and I'd only been awake for less than an hour. It seemed that no one was making any sense, and I'd become irritated with it all. I sighed heavily and climbed into the car.

Driving through La Push, I immediately found myself intrigued with its scenery. Despite the cold weather, I could definitely see myself living here again.

Pulling into Jacob's driveway, I noticed him in the small shed-like, homemade-like garage, working on something. Jacob was a big fan of machinery. If something were to ever to wrong, I knew just who to call. "Jake!" I called out excitedly as I pulled myself out of the now stuffy car and made my way toward him. He looked up and smiled-his white teeth shining brightly at me.

"Raeleigh!" he called out, his walking becoming a jog now. We met sooner than I expected, and he lifted me into a tight hug. "What're you doing here?" He asked and set me down.

I gasped for air and chuckled, "Thought I'd come by and say hi. What're you working on over there?" I asked, gesturing toward the garage.

Jacob glanced back at the garage for a mere moment before returning his gaze on me, "Just this bike I got from a friend," he told me…the sparkle in his eyes dimming at the last word. "I'm just changing out the tires, nothing too special."

"What kind of a bike is it?" I asked, honestly interested.

"A classic," he told me, smiling. "It's an old Harley Sprint," he explained-his smile growing.

"No way!" I called out excitedly, grabbing his forearm. "I have one too! Mine's a sea green color-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Jacob interrupted and held his hands up to stop me. He'd stopped walking, and I did the same. "You have a Harley Sprint?"

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah! Mom hates that I ride…but it became a hobby of mine. I used to motocross too, but I gave up on that after I shattered the left side of my body."

Jacob grimaced and shuttered, "Sucks, don't it?" he asked. His words sounded as if it'd happened to him before. I scrunched up my face in confusion and his cheeks turned a reddish hue. "What? I got into a fight…"

"With what, a bear?" I asked incredulously. "There's no way in hell I could ever picture you getting into a fight, Jacob Black. You're too sweet; you get on everyone's A-list."

"Not everyone's," he muttered as he began walking toward the garage again.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and realized I'd forgotten all about the cold. Jacob's aura took hold…embracing me…welcoming me…

"Oh c'mon…name _one_ person who doesn't like you!" I challenged him, chuckling as I did so.

He laughed and walked fully into the garage. Sitting down behind the bike, still facing me, he grabbed a dirty rag and looked up at me. "Alright, fine. The Cullen family."

"The who?" I asked, trying to sound confusing. I could only wish it were paying off.

"The Cullen family," he repeated. "Edward especially. Edward is Bella's boyfriend-I'm sure Charlie's mentioned him," he assumed with his tone gruff. I shook my head and sat down across from Jacob. "Well, I wouldn't expect him to. He isn't really fond of the guy," he explained lowly as he continued to change the tire on the Sprint. "I'm sure you'll meet them one day. Edward and I, well…we never really got along."

"Damn," I muttered and bit my bottom lip in thought. "I bet Bells really hates it when you two argue, huh?" I asked softly.

Jacob scoffed in a chuckle manner, though the grin he wore was almost invisible. "Always. But it's not just me they despise," he continued. "They aren't really fond of the guys either."

This was news to me. My eyebrows rose with surprise as I waited for him to continue. I couldn't picture anyone hating Sam or the other guys, even Paul and his hothead temper.

"Believe me, we've all wanted a good shot at 'em from time to time," he added on, his eyes now focused on the bike as he worked, "but we could never really do it without hurting Bella somehow."

"It shouldn't have to be that way," I whispered softly. "But I'm really sorry that it is."

He didn't reply, though I waited for a long moment-a moment that seemed incessant. He started working on the bike again. It was moments before he spoke again. "Where'd you learn to ride?" he asked, changing the subject, and I could tell he was more comfortable with the new topic.

"I taught myself," I told him with a small shrug. "It took me a lot of time, a few scrapes, bruises, and hospital trips to get it perfect…but once I got it, I never got off."

Jacob chuckled and shook his head. "How's the bike?" He asked and glanced over at me.

"It needs gas, new brakes and new tires…but other than that…it's great!" I called, sarcasm included.

"If you want, I can help you fix it," he offered the help and glanced at me again. "And in turn, maybe you can teach me how to motocross."

"Oh Jake, that would be amazing!" I called out excitedly. He winked in return. It wasn't long after when he finished his bike. "When do we start?"

"Today if you want," he muttered unenthusiastically as he gave the Sprint a quick wipe down with a much cleaner rag. He looked up at me and smiled. "We can go right now if you're not busy," he added on with a chuckle, finding the humor in his own joke. "But before we do, can we grab a bite to eat? I'm starved."

"Yeah, you look starved," I teased and poked him in the side. He squirmed away, laughing. "Where do you wanna go?" I asked, leading the way out of the garage. "Oh, we can go to the Lodge. Mom's supposed to be eating there with Charlie and Billy."

Twisting his face up in distaste, Jacob groaned. "Do you _really _wanna go to the Lodge and sit with our parents?" He asked, looking over at me. "_And _Charlie?" He added on.

"Good point," I grunted and looked up at him. "Well, if you can come up with a better idea…I'm all for it," I told him, pleasantly. Being pleased around Jacob came natural-like his aura. Leaning on his arm, I took hold of his hand. "Anything you want, we'll do it!"

"Really?" He asked, beaming. "You're seriously willing to put up with me?"

"Yeah, why not?" I asked and pulled away from him though my hand, which was still attached to his. I walked backwards and he forward. "Jake, you're a good kid. And I'm so grateful that you're taking the time to fix the bike…"

He laughed and shook his head slightly. "It's just a few minor adjustments," he told me, his smile still beaming as ever. "It's nothing serious."

"Well, still…it means a lot to me. I haven't ridden in a long time because I couldn't afford a mechanic. And I promise I'll pay if-"

"No," he interrupted quickly. I think I offended him. "I don't want your money," he told me simply. "I don't want you to feel like you have to pay me."

"But Jake…"

"How about this," he started and slowed to a stop, "If you can afford the parts, then we have a deal. I fix the bikes you give me motocross lessons. It's fair share."

I nodded, agreeing to the deal. "Wait a sec; do you have a license to drive one of these?" I asked and gestured toward the bike back in the garage. "How old are you?"

"Oh c'mon," he started in a tease, "I'm not that much older than you. And considering the maturity level between most guys and myself…that makes me about ten years older."

"Not even. More like five," I replied, disagreeing. "Considering the maturity level between guys and girls," I started, imitating him, "that automatically gives me twelve years."

"You have to average in height too;" he added quickly, "Guys are more than likely going to be taller. I'm pretty tall, so that gives me six years."

"What? No way. I'm less than a foot shorter than you, so I'll have to knock off three years."

We bantered on the subject until we got to my house-arguing over the correct formula to determine age. I lost five more years because I didn't share the same mad skills in the mechanical field, but gained two more for giving him motocross lessons. Jacob gained five years for fixing the bike.

By the time we got to my house, I was twenty-four and Jacob was thirty. Luckily, we were able to buy the parts in one load at a decent amount and haul it all back to Jake's before Billy came back with Mom. Because the bike wasn't too horribly damaged, Jacob promised to have it finished by lunch. Of course, I had to pay in turn for helping in such short notice, but I hadn't minded.

Jacob went right to work the moment he pulled his toolbox out, and I helped when needed-which wasn't much. We continued to laugh and poke fun at each other while his fingers expertly combed through the tools lying before him. The skill Jacob possessed with his hands was fascinating to watch. They seemed all too big for the delicate tasks in which they performed with simplicity and accuracy. While he worked, he seemed graceful. Otherwise, he was just as clumsy as me-tripping over his own too large two feet.

The connection between Jacob and I hadn't changed, not even in the slightest. We were more than comfortable around each other-and I was even more so with him than Sam.

It hadn't taken long for Jacob to finish the bike-just like he promised. "You still haven't told me where you wanted go to for lunch," I announced as I helped him put the tools away.

"I honestly don't care where we go," he told me, his tone somewhat dull. It took me by surprise, the dullness, after all the playing around we'd done.

"That's not much help," I teased, nudging him friendly. He turned to me and smiled one of my many favorite smiles. "We can go to…"

"Let's just go to the Lodge," he suggested with a shrug, "It's the nearest restaurant and the cheapest. I don't want you to have to pay for everything. How about we split the bill?"

"No," I answered instantly. "It's the least I can do."

Guilt. It burned through my veins roughly the more I began to believe that I was only taking advantage of the young, yet older than me, Quileute native. I wanted…no, needed, a distraction, and a distraction I received…only now I wasn't entirely satisfied with the outcome. There was something different about him, something I couldn't quite pinpoint what that particular difference was.

One major difference was the change of temperature in his skin. It was much hotter than I ever remembered (though he was often warm-skinned as a child). Looking over at Jacob, I immediately noticed how distant his mind was-another difference. The expressions he wore were uncomfortably too thoughtful for my liking. "Jake," I called out, firmer than I wanted, "Jake-Jake, stop! You're going to gnaw your lip right off!" I called out, grabbing his arm to grasp his attention better.

He turned to me and smiled sheepishly. I couldn't help but chuckle at the playful expression. "Sorry," he apologized semi-dully with a shrug-noticeably embarrassed-and returned his gaze on the road. He was such a cautious driver, I noticed. Maybe even more so than me. "I was just thinking about something." I figured it was something on his mind that he hadn't wanted to share with me-with anyone in general-typically he would have if it had been something that was truly bothering him.

Silence consumed us once again. It was painful-tearing at me like a caged animal clawing its way out-furious, scared. I looked at Jacob, a frown line forming between my eyebrows as I concentrated on his expression, trying to read him for the umpteenth time. I sighed heavily, growing more impatient with his persistent silence.

When we arrived at the small, well-known restaurant, I immediately turned to Jacob and took his face in my hands so we were now only inches apart. "What?" he asked, a smile forming.

"Jake," I started after a few moments, "…I'm going through a rough patch right now," I started softly, "And to be honest, I don't know if you are either. But it's very obvious that whatever is running through your head is driving you insane. And-" I started to continue but then snapped my mouth shut. Narrowing my eyes in thought, I mentally rehearsed what to say before just blurting it out. I didn't want to ruin anything between Jake and me.

"And?" he prompted.

And I had absolutely nothing. Nothing that would help, at least. And I sure as hell didn't want to say anything insulting-or Jake just might have a convulsion. I exhaled deeply, bracing myself for the convulsion to begin. The creases between my eyebrows returned and this time I didn't want them smoothed out. I slouched in my seat and removed my hands from his beautiful face, but before they could fall into my lap, he caught my wrists.

"What? Rae, tell me," he said, pushing me to continue as another crease formed between his brows. I rested my hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. He seemed to enjoy it as the thumping in his chest began to quicken. I bit my lip in thought of how to word what I wanted to say without hurting Jacob's feelings. It was always so painful to watch him frown, to watch his aura almost cease to exist.

My mood seemed to change the moment he ran his large hands through my hair, feeling the silky sensation against his rough skin. I smiled a little and closed my eyes-melting into his warm embrace. He felt too damn good to pull away from. With his touch, it was as if I could feel him in my veins-the happiness, the aura-like a drug. A pleasurable, healthy drug with all the same effects. With his touch…I felt like me again. "You know I feel…" I started in a whisper, almost lost in the embrace, "I feel different when I'm with you. I feel like I can be happy again."

I opened my eyes, his thumb catching a fallen tear on my blood-filled cheek-his other hand still tangled gently in my hair. "Are you happy?"

I smiled and nodded, "Yes."

He gave me a serene smile and a reassuring nod. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

My stomach growled just as he said this. I fought the urge to laugh. "Hey, Jake?" I started.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go."


	4. Denial

_**Jacob**_

Being around Raeleigh wasn't as difficult as I thought it'd be. I felt like I could be _myself _around her-be the way I _used _to be. Of course, there were moments when my thoughts took hold, consuming my mind of troubled memories of…well, _her_, and the trembling would begin.I missed her, yeah, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to think about her anymore. I didn't want to have the urge to fight for her any longer-only to have the same outcome…every time, "_It's always been him."_

I couldn't help myself, though. Every now and again I'd call, just to see how she was, just to hear her voice one more time. But instead of her voice…it was _his…_and I only found myself slamming the phone repetitively against the base, hoping maybe he'd feel the pain I felt. In turn, the trembling began…only it wasn't anger that I felt. It was nothing but pure pain, heartbreak. I tried to hold it together most times, but others…I broke. I broke into what felt like a thousand pieces, with the inability to pull myself together.

So I ran. Ran away as fast as I could without even slowing down to look over my shoulder. The guys, of course, kept in contact with me and I was thankful that they left her out. Of course I knew they were only being courteous. I knew she called, asking everyone, especially Seth, where I'd been, if I was okay. I knew she'd seen the "Missing Boy" posters hanging from the posts around town. I knew she missed me…but I didn't want her to.

After a few months, I came back. I came back hoping I could see things differently. Everything changes and yet nothing changes at all. Bella was still the same. Human, I mean. But I knew that her chocolate brown eyes, pink cheeks…heartbeat…it would all come to an end in just a matter of weeks, days. Where beautiful memories only turned into horrific nightmares. The ability to love her caused nothing more than sanity as our friendship took hold, controlling our hearts, feelings, and anything else it wanted. Where loving her became pleasurable. Unfortunately, her inability of letting go of _him _caused nothing more than insanity as her nightmares took hold, corrupting her mind with reckless ideas, and lies. Where loving me became a nuisance.

Everyone was glad for the change in scenery and character when Raeleigh and Nina moved in about a month later. She was typically a happy person, always smiling and laughing, reminding me of myself when the monster inside me wasn't in control. She carried that happiness wherever she went and shared it with whoever she wanted-stranger or not-she warmed them, loved them unconditionally. How beautiful that generosity made her glow.

I was thankful for the distraction Raeleigh provided, feeling her unconditional caring for me, for my thoughts and my feelings toward them. I was thankful, yes, but something as simple as a distraction couldn't keep the secrets, the legends from happening, or how tight I'm bound. What irritated me most was the fact that although Raeleigh was one-hundred percent Quileute, she had no clue about the story behind our tribe. The same particular story that I once believed to be nothing more than a myth. She had no idea that her cousin, Sam Uley, was indeed a werewolf. She knew nothing; completely oblivious to the supernatural.

I waited for that day, nonetheless. Waited for the day when her anger became too much for her to control-the trembling, the rugged breathing…the explosion. For someone to have to share the same horrific fate as the rest of us, wasn't something we believed to be enjoyable…especially for someone as sweet as Raeleigh.

"You know, your lip's going to drop off if you keep gnawing on it like that," she said simply, her eyes still focused on the lunch menu. After a short moment, she met my gaze and sighed softly, "Don't you _like _having both lips?"

I chuckled as I felt my cheeks turn a bright red hue. "Sure, sure."

"What're you thinking about?"

_You,_ I thought. "Nothing," I lied with a small shake of my head and a shrug. But she knew better. She's got those kind of eyes that can look right through the bullshit, to the good in someone. "What?" I asked, noticing her eyes never leaving my form.

"Pardon my French, but you're a real shitty liar," she told me, matter-of-factly. Honesty was such a big thing for Raeleigh, that revealing lies was as easy as breathing for her. It was like she knew what to look for in someone's gestures when they did so. This was a trait she inherited from her parents. "Why can't you just man-up and tell me what your problem is?"

I furrowed my brows, "Have you ever had a secret?" I asked, my tone much more firm now.

Her face scrunched up in pure confusion. "What the hell does that have to do-"

"One that wasn't yours to tell?" I continued, interrupting her impatient inquiry. The once confused look smoothed out with ease and her once wandering eyes were now fixated on mine. "That's what it's like for me. Exactly that, only worse. You have no idea how tight I'm bound."

"There's got to be something you can do, Jake," she started, her tone gentle. "I mean…"

"It's not something I can run away from," I told her, cutting her off once again. My tone was more firm than I wanted it to be. "We're in it for life."

"_We're_?" She asked baffled my by wording. "Who's we?"

I practically swallowed my own stomach when I realized what I said. Blood filled my cheeks and I suddenly lost my appetite. "Um…"

"Sam knows about this too, don't 'e?" She asked, wound up. "And the boys." I remained silent. There was absolutely no point in lying to her-she'd figure it out before I'd have the chance to think one up. "Ugh! So that's what he meant about the story," she said to herself.

"Um…what story?" I asked-hoping she remained oblivious.

"I don't know, he wouldn't exactly tell me. He told me that I wouldn't understand even if he had." I exhaled silently in relief. I swore I could feel the sweat dripping from my neck also. Silence. It consumed us inevitably, and for the first time, uncomfortably. Thankfully, it slowly lightened up after our waitress, Anna, finally decided to take our orders. "I'm sorry I got angry with you, Jake. You didn't deserve it."

I smiled and chuckled at her. "Don't beat yourself up over it," I told her with a small shake of my head. "Really, it's not that big o'deal."

After lunch, Raeleigh and I went to Port Angeles to buy some paint for her bike at the nearest shop, and luckily she wasn't too picky when it came to color. She also had to buy the instruments in order to paint the vehicle correctly without making it look homemade. Unfortunately, when we arrived at the house, all the guys-including Leah-were there. "Hey guys, what's up?" I asked, climbing out of the car. Raeleigh gave them all a small wave before grabbing her items from the bed of the truck, and then joined the circle. Leah and Raeleigh, thankfully, were closer than we thought they'd be. Their bond was pretty tight-making Leah much more pleasant in wolf-form and human-form, leaving all thoughts of Sam out.

The guys, especially Sam, were very grateful for _that _distraction. Raeleigh isn't like most girls though. Her beauty was mind-blowing, yes, but her personality was hardly girly. She wore makeup daily, and wore clothes that hugged her body almost perfectly, but her halo was merely held up by her horns. I truly admired the confidence, determination, even her stubbornness. And I think Embry admired it as well. He practically blushed when she'd merely _glance _at him. Me and the guys picked on him about it-due to the fact, he hadn't imprinted yet.

"Bella came by," Leah started off gruffly and crossed her arms before continuing further. She never liked Bella, and I already wanted her to shut up. I tried to not let it get to me but Raeleigh already noticed. She noticed a lot. Thankfully she didn't act upon it. "…asked for Raeleigh."

I grunted in response, almost grateful that Bella wasn't looking for me…for once. Raeleigh seemed excited about her visitor and a little too excited for my liking. "I can see Charlie's house from mine…I haven't seen her. At all, in fact."

"She's always with that Cullen kid," Embry explained to her, his cheeks burning bright red the moment Raeleigh looked over at him. He quickly composed himself and continued, "I'm honestly surprised he even let her on the rez."

"_Let _her?" Paul asked, incredulously. I sighed heavily, fed up with the nonsense talk of Bella. "Yeah right, like that guy lets her do anything…especially when it comes to seeing _us."_

Quil snorted in disgust, "That guy pisses me off."

"Swears up and down he'll do anything to make her happy but won't even let her do something as simple as visit her best friend!" Jared called out. "What a friggin' rip off."

Raeleigh chuckled a little in confusion, "Wait, just…hold on a minute," she called out and stood in the center of the circle. "What exactly did the Cullens do to piss you guys off?" We all remained silent, though she waited a long while. "Oh okay, I get it," she started-a smile slowly appearing on her face. She turned to me and crossed her arms, "Is this part of the secret too?"

Suddenly, eight pairs of eyes were on me. I felt small. No. I felt smaller than small. Tinier than tiny. "Dammit Jake! Can't you just keep your freakin' mouth shut for once!" Paul roared loudly, stepping toward me.

"Hey, wait a minute…" Raeleigh started sweetly, resting her hand on Paul's chest. "He hasn't-"

Paul was fuming now. If he were a cartoon, steam would be blowing out of his ears. He paid no mind to Raeleigh either, ignoring her soft touch against his trepid flesh. "Was the first warning not good enough, Black, or do you need me to remind you?" He asked, referring back to the day when Bella first met the guys and Paul phased when he learned she knew our secret. He stepped passed Raeleigh, now only inches away from me.

My upper lip quivered in anger, "I…haven't…told her…anything," I growled-my voice shaking. I tried to keep my cool, but Paul angered me so easily.

He growled, "Don't be stupid, Jake. She's a smart girl…she'll figure it out sooner rather than later…all because of your big mouth!"

And that was all she wrote. I reared back and slammed my fist into Paul's cheekbone, feeling the bone cracking beneath me. He fell to the ground, stunned at first, but quickly collected himself. I reared back again, but was suddenly slammed into the ground. I instantly knew it was Raeleigh when I felt her cool skin against mine and when I looked up to look at her, she fought to hold Paul back, as he trembled violently above her. I was scared for Raeleigh as Emily's scarred face flashed through my mind and I knew it'd done the same for Sam as well. "Paul! That's enough!" she roared, giving him one last hard shove with the left side of her body, causing him to fall hard on his behind.

The trembling for the both of us slowed, thanks to Raeleigh's boldness. She was stupid for doing what she did-but I was thankful. If Paul had lost it, she'd know our secret just by his stupidity. She kept an eye on Paul, her breathing fast and rugged. "It's true what Jake says. He hasn't said a thing. I know absolutely nothing."

Paul stood up, obviously embarrassed for being tackled by a girl-notably, a girl much more petite than Leah, or even Emily-brushed the dirt off his shirt and approached me, offering a hand. I took it without hesitation and he pulled me up. "Sorry," he grumbled lowly to Raeleigh.

Sam glowered at him and approached his cousin. "You ok? Your cheek is bleeding."

"Yeah," she replied, not a ounce of anger in her tone. Sam tried to brush the excess blood dripping down her cheek, but she pulled away from him. "What're you doing? Stop, I'm fine." She crossed her arms and glanced around, looking at each and every one of us for a short moment before speaking, "I'm not sure if I _want_ to know this secret since it just so happens to drive you _all _insane."

"Raeleigh…please, just understand…" Sam started firmly, holding his hands out in defense.

"Understand," she repeated in disbelief. "What exactly do you want me to understand, Samuel? All of you tell me nothing when I ask, and when you do start talkin', you make absolutely no freaking sense. And you want me to _understand?"_ she asked. "Do you realize, at all, how ludicrous that sounds?"

_Samuel_? Talk about boldness. Sam's never been fond of people referring to him by full name, but I guess he never really had a choice when it comes to Raeleigh. She's too stubborn.

"I know you're angry with me, and I'm sorry, but there is no way I can explain this to you. It's not that I don't want to…it's that I can't," he explained, his tone still soft compared to hers. "You'll understand one day, I promise," he told her, trying hard to sound reassuring, but Raeleigh didn't want any part of it. I couldn't blame her though. She always hated secrets or surprises. Sam grabbed her hand gently, but pulled away.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Sam," she spoke softly and walked away. Sam tried following her, but Jared grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"She's fine, Sam. Let 'er breathe."


	5. Surprise!

**COLD.**

The wind brisked up gradually each day, growing more terrifyingly chilly-even for me, us. Mornings sluggishly turned into more depressing gray afternoons which brought the rain so cold that every front lawn, every car was covered in frost, which then turned the whole shebang into a never-ending thunderstorm.

I was having a bad week.

It's been three long days since any of us got a good night's sleep. Three days that seemed to drag on to the next at a snail's pace ever since Sam insisted that we patrol every night for hours on end. I personally had no idea why he felt patrol was necessary. Bloodsuckers hadn't caused any havoc since the battle_-_the same battle that caused the left side of my body to shatter after having a rough brawl with a Newborn-but he still insisted. Three days, it's been, and there wasn't even a hint of that familiar stink…so the boredom I was usually left with during patrol did nothing more than torment my already troubled mind.

I knew that essentially nothing had changed. Sam hadn't given in to Raeleigh's mad-skills of persuasion about learning the legends of our tribe, but had I ever dreamed for one moment that he would? Okay, so I was a little hopeful, but his persistence had only confirmed what the guys and I'd already known. No reason for fresh disappointment.

In theory. Not getting disappointed was easier said than done.

Jared, Embry and I were on patrol _again_ tonight, and as I explored the vacant woods for what already seemed like hours, though my shift began merely five minutes ago, I knew a chase wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I wandered aimlessly through Forks, knowing I'd fall asleep if I sat too still for too long, still searching for the too sweet scent. A scent that reminded me of _her _every time it burned my nose. _It's going to be another long night, guys, _Jared whined.

There was, I noticed, something different about tonight's patrol that made things uneasy for me. I wasn't sure about the other guys, but it sure as hell put me on edge. I walked slowly, just minding my own business, and eyed everything which surrounded me cautiously. I noticed a Screech Owl eyeing me high in a tree with his head turning fully around as I passed him just before making that wretched scream, which caused me to jump out of my skin. No pun intended.

As I sat just beyond the trees_-_camouflaged in the darkness of the forest_-_with Bella's house facing me and Raeleigh's house, half a block down the road which was also in perfect view, I came to realize that the eeriness about the woods was the silence it surrounded me with. It was too silent. _Psst. Guys, _I whispered. Why I was whispering, I didn't know.

_Why are you whispering?_ Embry asked, also in a whisper. I coughed a laugh.

_Do you guys here that? _I asked. They stayed silent for a short moment.

_No, _they both replied simultaneously.

_Exactly. It's _too_ quiet out here, _I called and peered a little closer. I narrowed my eyes as I looked down the street on either end, though I hadn't needed to, and took a step closer. A twig snapped beneath my gigantic paw causing the Screech Owl to frantically fly from its perch.

_C'mon dude…you're losing it. Get a grip, _Embry called and joined me at my side shortly after. A dog barked from across the road and Embry jumped-hair rising on his shoulders.

I barked a laugh, _Who's losin' it now? _I teased and nudged him. Jared joined the two of us, a little more excited that he'd been for the past couple days, sniffing the ground intently. _Dude, what're you…_

_Do you smell that? _He asked, cutting me off. I sniffed the ground but smelled nothing. I waited for him to continue, hoping he'd describe whatever it was that he smelled but instead-he followed what seemed like to be a pathway. With nothing else to do, Embry and I followed his lead. It was either that or nothing.

Almost immediately, I smelled the scent as I followed Jared's pathway. It was a stink…but not the stink we were made to sniff out. This certain stink was…somewhat a rotten stench. It got stronger and stronger the more we pressed on as well. An hour passed, I could tell by the way the sky was illuminated now, and was stopped short when I ran into Jared's backside. I growled at him but stopped when I suddenly caught the sight of the half naked, paler than pale female body lying before us. Tearing my eyes from the corpse, I turned to Jared and noticed the fixated gaze on the girl, while Embry whined sadly as he laid on the ground. _We…we have to tell Sam, _I called roughly as the words caught in my throat.

"Jake," Jared called softly, catching my attention. I jumped at the suddenness of his voice and looked over at him with tear filled eyes. "C'mon man…pull it together."

"There is a dead girl in the middle of our woods, covered in blood, and naked," I growled through gritted teeth as I pointed in the direction we exited from.

"I know, I know," he whispered and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "We have to tell Sam and we can not freak out…especially with Emily and Leah in there."

I nodded and looked over at Embry who seemed to be in complete shock from the whole ordeal. "We'll go in calmly and tell Sam we need to talk to him-leave the girls out completely. And then we'll take it to Charlie," I explained in a whisper. Thankfully it hadn't taken us long to recollect ourselves, or at least make it look like just an ordinary day had passed, and walked into the house. "Rae?" I called softly when I saw her, Leah and Emily chatting on the couch.

She turned to me and smiled that homey smile, "Hey," she started happily but then it turned into immediate worry. Damn her for being so observant. "Hey…are you okay? You look as if you've seen a ghost."

_Not a ghost, _I thought and tried to fight back the tears. "Sam, can we talk to you and the guys for a sec?" I asked, dodging Raeleigh's concerning inquiry entirely.

"What?" She asked and glanced from Sam to me before standing up from the couch. I glanced at her for a split second and started toward Sam, but she quickly made her way from the couch to me and tightly grabbed my forearm. She turned to Sam and held her arm out, "Wait a minute," she demanded and turned back to me. "Jacob…what's going on?" she asked. "And don't tell me that it's nothing…because I know there's something going on."

I looked down at her and remained silent. How in the hell could I just stand there and tell her what I'd seen? She was a strong girl…but not strong enough to take this in. I sighed heavily and started toward Sam again but Raeleigh stopped me, blocking my way. "Raeleigh….please, not now." I looked up at Sam. "Sam?" He nodded and started for the other room. Quil, Seth, and Paul followed his lead automatically with no hesitation. Jared and Embry stayed behind, waiting for me, but I gestured that they go.

"Jacob?" Emily called out and stood from the couch. She crossed her arms and glanced at Leah. "Is everything okay?"

I dodged her question too. I didn't know the answer to that…I couldn't think straight. "Em…will you please stay with the girls?" She eyed me for a short moment and eventually nodded in reply.

"Dude," Paul was the first to speak the moment I stepped foot outside of the small home. He'd been pacing, I could tell, as he now bounced on the balls of his feet. "What's going on?"

I sighed heavily and looked over at Jared and Embry for a short second before turning my full attention to Sam. "During patrol…" I started but the words got caught in my throat. I didn't want to say the words…didn't want to picture the girl's lifeless body in my head. "A girl's been murdered," I finally said. "Brutally."

"What?" Paul exclaimed, incredulous. Seth gasped at the news and covered his mouth with a hand, completely inconsolable. "Where?"

"We found her a hundred feet in through Forks," I explained, trying to keep my guard up but no one was fooled. "Fifteen, maybe sixteen years old."

"Alright," Sam whispered softly and rubbed his face roughly with both hands before sighed heavily. "We'll talk to Charlie in the morning."

"We can't just leave her out there like bait though," Seth called out. "What if…I don't know…a bear tries to eat her."

"Bears don't want to eat people, Seth," I told him reassuringly. "We don't taste that good."

"Well apparently we taste good to _some _things," he shot back. Kid had a point. "Sorry."

"Don't be," I grunted and ruffled up his hair a little to show sympathy. "We have to tell Leah," I started and looked at everyone before continuing. I crossed my arms and sighed heavily, "Maybe even R-"

"Don't even think it," Sam ordered. Usually I'd obey to his command, but not this time. I can not, not defend her.

"C'mon Sam…she likes to take walks in the woods…we have to tell her!" I called out but soon regretted it when I realized I'd broken the point to a 'meeting'. "We have to tell her!" I repeated in a whisper.

"Jacob…do you realize what that'll mean?" he asked, stepping closer to me now.

"Yeah," I growled back. "She'll end up learning the damn secret anyway…so why not tell her now? Besides…its either tell her something she's bound to know anyway, or not tell her at all which'll cost her, her life," I explained gruffly. "If you were smart, you would have told her a long time ago."

"I don't want her to share the same fate as us, Jacob."

"Neither do I…or the other guys for that matter," I told him firmly. They all nodded in agreement. "But we have no choice…she's got the gene."

"No…"

"Oh, C'mon Sam. Stop deluding yourself into thinking she's going to be _normal. _She's related to a pack of wolves…nothing normal about it," I growled. Raeleigh's sixteenth birthday was only several weeks away, and I wondered if he wasn't a little foolish to sit around, worried and rueful, waiting for the next explosion. It just seemed too dangerous to be human anymore, even for someone as fearless as Raeleigh…or as fearless as she claims to be-just begging for trouble. Talking to Sam, the Alpha, with such boldness was probably the most ridiculous thing I could have done-but he _had _to hear me out. I'm so tired of people not listening to me. I'm done. "Tell her…or I will."

Sam huffed loudly through his nose, a growl escaping. He took on that strange double timbre that we could not disobey…not matter how hard we tried. The voice of the Alpha. "You do that, then you're only-"

"Doing what's right!" I growled back, not caring if the girls from inside could hear. "She deserves to know. Not telling her would be an insult."

Sam sighed heavily and backed off a bit. He stared into my dark eyes for a long while before speaking again-his tone firm. "My decision is final. We tell Charlie in the morning and make sure Raeleigh goes nowhere near the scene."

"No problem," Paul replied quickly and firmly before I had the chance to oppose. "Jake?" he called, grabbing my attention from Sam to him. "I'm not the one in charge here…but I think you'd be great at keeping Raeleigh busy. You two seem pretty close," he stated simply.

"Shouldn't be difficult," I grumbled and crossed my arms, returning my gaze on Sam again.

"Jacob," Sam started, "I need you to promise me that she won't see the girl in the woods. Seeing her might trigger the memory of her father, somehow…Nina can't afford that again."

"Don't worry," I started blasé, and started for the door again, "I got it taken care of." I rested my hand on the handle and twisted it open. Just before I stepped inside, Sam grabbed my upper arm firmly.

"And keep your mouth shut," he demanded, using his Alpha voice yet again. I remained silent, pulled away from him, and stepped inside the small home. What irritated me most was the simple fact that even though I hadn't earned a single thing, there were things born in me that I'd left unclaimed. I never wanted to lead a pack of wolves, never wanted the responsibility that left their lives in my hands. What if I'd chosen wrong, leaving us to consol the families of the brothers and sisters we'd lost? I couldn't handle that.

And I had not been born to kneel to him.

The other members of the pack too knew my birthright and wondered when I'd take my rightful place as Alpha. I couldn't, due to the fact there couldn't be two Alphas in one pack, but that didn't stop me from being bold toward Sam.

I approached Raeleigh and grabbed her upper arm as I continued walking, and dragged her into another room. At first she tried to fight against me, but no prevail. "What're you doing?" she asked just before we disappeared into the now closed room. "Jacob? Why are we in a closet?"

"Listen to me," I started in a whisper, ignoring her question, "I need you to promise me that you won't go into the woods…for anything," I pleaded softly.

"Why?" she asked and crossed her arms, "Did something happen in the woods tonight?"

"Yes," I answered. I couldn't lie. If I had, she'd see right through it. "But I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Sam's forbidding me from telling you _anything_. Please, just promise me you'll stay away." She eyed me for a long while, feeling unfair about the whole situation. I couldn't blame her, either. It was totally unfair. We kept all the secrets locked away in our minds, then forced her to promise things that she didn't understand. "Raeleigh, please," I begged, "Not for Sam. For me."

She exhaled deeply-not quite a sigh. The already formed tiny pucker in between her eyes, had deepened. She remained silent for a long while as her eyes narrowed and her mouth twisted into a lopsided pout. "Fine," she gave in, "I promise. But only because you asked me to…not because I wanted to. I'm too curious for my own good-where curiosity kills the cat. I'd be the cat."

_Or just another girl in the woods, _I thought but instantly shook the image out of my head the moment an altered version came to play. "Thank you."

She hesitated a moment before replying, "Sure, sure."


	6. Waking Up

**6. WAKING UP**

_Raeleigh_

As I drove home that night-or, morning rather-I wasn't paying much attention to the road that shimmered wetly in the moonlight. I was thinking about the promise I was compelled to make Jacob, trying to sort everything out, to force it all to make sense. Despite the unfairness of the whole shebang, I knew he was only trying to protect me. But from what? At first I just wanted in on their secret-but I could tell in Sam's eyes that it was much more than that. Sure, I still wanted in on it. I mean, how many guys do you come across with a secret that they're 'in for life', a practical life sentence?

I slowed my bike to a stop and looked behind me. There wasn't anything there, but I looked as if Emily's house was still in perfect view. I felt guilty, and regretted getting angry with Jake and Sam. They were only doing what they felt was best. And obviously, I thought as I narrowed my eyes toward Emily's, there was no danger.

Or so I thought.

I'd decided to take a shortcut to my house, a dirt road I discovered about two days ago, when I saw the thing. It just came out of nowhere. One minute there was nothing but darkness surrounding all around me. The next minute, my headlights illuminated what looked like two wolves crossing my path. Two abnormally large wolves, to be exact. Instinctively, I swerved to miss the them but my bike slipped and tumbled over, now on top of me, and we slid all the way down the steep hill.

I didn't feel the pain at first, due to the fact I was in complete shock-but that didn't last very long. When I raised my head up to examine myself, I immediately noticed the metal rod sticking out of my calf of my right leg. It was then when the pain suddenly hit me harder than I anticipated. My head and my stomach rolled, the rust-and-salt smell of the blood pulled me under. Everything above me seemed to twist and turning, and soon…darkness engulfed me.

When I woke up, the pain in my leg and head woke up as well. Although I closed my eyes, due to the fact they wouldn't stay open, I caught a glimpse of the large bed I lay neatly tucked in-a bed that wasn't my own, mind you-with a machine at my bedside that steadily beeped. I assumed it was used to monitor my heart, and I soon realized where I was. A hospital. Usually, I'd wake up to something much more pleasant than this, and now I wish I hadn't woken up at all…because it was then when it all came back.

The wolf. The accident. The metal rod in my calf.

"Tell me," Jacob said softly, suddenly. I hadn't noticed anyone before, so the suddenness of his voice startled me. I listened intently, still confused as to whether this was all a dream. Nothing ever made sense anymore. "How bad was it? I want to know everything."

There was a sigh and a few audible footsteps coming from one end of the room to my bedside, and then the squeak of the chair as they sat. I waited in my perfect, comfortably large, white bed, perfectly silent, perfectly still and listened.

"I had never felt so helpless in my entire life," My mother began softly, slowly, "I didn't know what to do anymore. That first week was the worst-I was afraid I was going to have to admit her into a hospital."

"But she snapped out of it," Jacob grunted, his words more of a statement than a question.

"No, it only got worse at first," she explained sadly. "She barely ate, and hardly moved. She had nightmares every night, and every night I'd wake up to her screaming. I just-I didn't know what to do, Jake. I was so afraid to say the wrong thing and upset her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever admitted her."

They were silent for a long while. It killed me, hearing how much pain I had caused her through the years. _Five long years._

"After a few months, she…you know…she seemed to get better…"

"But?" Jacob prompted after a short moment.

Mom sighed and I could feel her eyes on me now. I could only hope the tears that welled up in my eyes wouldn't squeeze out to show I was listening in on them.

"She was so…empty. I mean, she went back to school and saw her friends, she started eating, got tremendously good grades, and acknowledged people when they spoke to her…but her eyes were so blank; no sign of happiness left behind. I almost didn't know who she was anymore, you know?" She removed her gaze upon me and turned to Jacob now.

"Yeah," Jacob whispered so softly, it was hard to hear.

"You know, there were lots of little things she stopped doing-she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found her CD player stashed in the attic; she stopped singing and dancing all together. One of her favorite things to do is laugh…and even then. And although she was in the same room as the TV, staring up at it like she would, I knew she wasn't watching it. I finally figured it out after talking to the family doctor-she was so afraid to fully let go, and move on."

"Out of sight, out of mind," Jacob whispered.

"Exactly." Mom sighed again. Mom sniffed, which only meant she'd been crying now. It killed me. "It was so difficult. We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying the wrong thing, something that would upset her-the littlest things set her off. She didn't even phone her friends back, and after a while they just stopped calling.

Jacob was silent, verbally, but I still heard the shakiness in his breathing. He'd been fighting away the tears. I almost heard him shuddering. I shuddered too, remembering every detail. And then I sighed, slowly exhaling. "She seems better now, though. Nothing like before."

I felt Mom smile as she rested a warm hand on my left leg and gave a little squeeze. "Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with you, Jacob Black, My babygirl is coming back. She's smiling more, eating _all_ the time, and constantly on the go. When she comes home, her cheeks are pinker than normal, she's got light in her eyes again. Jacob, because of you, she's happier."

"The guys are apart of it too," he told her. "But I don't mind taking all the credit," he joked.

I snorted.

I felt two pairs of eyes on me and decided to make it look as though I'd stirred in my sleep. I wiggled a little in my bed and slowly stretched my body out, forced a yawn, and opened my eyes. Instantly, my eyes met Jacob's and blood filled my cheeks. I smiled a little and slowly closed my eyes once more. "Hey."

"Hey, sweetheart," Mom said softly and caressed the top of my head. Shivers ran all around my body at her soft touch. "How are you? You ok?"

"Yeah," I told her and opened my eyes again. I yawned, this time for real, and nodded. "You don't have to worry about me, anymore, Mom." I smiled. "I'm okay."

"So?" Jacob started and crossed his arms. He gave me a firm look, "What happened?"

I froze. How could I tell them that I saw two wolves, too big to be normal, without them thinking I was crazy? I stared up at Jacob contemplatively. "I saw…" I started but stopped myself. I shook my head a little, trying to find the right words. "…something."

Mom and Jacob were silent for a moment, staring down at me, completely expressionless.

I exhaled deeply, knowing they wanted more than what I'd given them. "Wolves," I finally spoke and crossed my arms. The muscles in my arms hurt, but I ignored it. "There were two of them, a brown one and a dark gray one. They just suddenly walked across my path and when I saw them, that's when I crashed. I was just startled," I explained, leaving out the size of the animals. "Hey, is the bike okay?"

"Don't worry about the bike, let's worry about you," Jacob told me, giving my good leg a slight squeeze. "No bikes…not for a while at least."

I didn't argue.

"The doctor said you have to use your crutches for the next few weeks, maybe even a month or two," he explained. "Okay? And I want you to use your crutches all the time. I don't want to see you stumbling around all over the place."

Just when I was about to spat off at him, he leaned down and kissed my cheek ever so gently. It took me by surprise-the warmth of his lips against my cold skin-and the action. He pulled away, replacing his hand on my blood filled cheek and caressed it gently with the side of his thumb. "Get some sleep, yeah?" I didn't argue. I _couldn't_ argue. I watched in awe as he and Mom left the room, giving me one last caring glance before shutting the light off and closing the door behind him quietly.

I slept better that night, though my dream replayed the incident of the accident. Just when I saw the too large two wolves, everything seemed to be replaying in slow motion. I watched as they looked over at me. There was something about them that made them familiar. It made no sense, but nothing ever did anymore. And just before I slammed into the ground, I shot up in my hospital bed, lightly covered in sweat.

The room was illuminated enough for me to navigate without having to turn on the too bright lights, and I'd decided to head to the bathroom to rinse off. I started first without the crutches, but when Jacob popped into my head, I made up my mind to go grab them, just in case he decided to make a surprise check-up.

The night went by fast and by morning, I was well enough to go home. Jacob was insistent about the crutches, though I tried to tell him it was easier to get around without them, but he wouldn't listen. And to make my morning go from pearl gray to completely harmonious, the guys welcomed me with gentle hugs and kisses, and even a bouquet of red roses. "Guys…you didn't have to…"

"It was nothing. Don't worry about it," Emily told me, giving me a gently hug. I couldn't wrap my arms around her due to the fact I'd probably fall over and hurt myself more, but I did manage to rest my chin on her shoulder. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Great," I lied as she pulled away from me.

She smiled and gestured toward the door, "C'mon, let's go home."

I fell asleep during the drive home, which was, unfortunately, only fifteen minutes long. I guess near death experiences can do that to people. When I fully came to, I drowsily made my way toward the house, fighting with the crutches as they occasionally got stuck in the mud, and with a little effort, I made it up into the house. Emily was cooking, no real shock there I suppose, but so was Billy and Mom.

Well, Mom wasn't really cooking, she was more or less helping out with non-food items, such as silverware, cups, plates…

Charlie was here too, and for once _not _in uniform. "Hey kiddo," he called and kissed the top of my head as he whooshed passed me.

"Wait, what is this?" I asked to no one in general, pointing toward the kitchen.

"Remember, I told you we were having a cookout? Well, I figured we'd bump it up a day since you've barely eaten any of the food they gave you at the hospital. I bet your starving," Mom explained and disappeared into the living room.

"Oh," I whispered. The doorbell rang suddenly and I practically jumped out of my skin. I did squeal in shock though. Embry and Paul teased me about it, mimicking the noise. "I'll get it," I called and answered the door.

"Raeleigh!"

_**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for all of your wonderful reviews! It helps me, you have no idea how much to keep this story going! I would love to thank my best friend Burtantae, Amila, Michelle, My Mom, Dad, my Grammy Faye, and all those who've actually sent reviews. I love you all...you are what keeps me wanting to write this story! **_**_Also, another thing: This story is mainly about Raeleigh in learning what she went through after the death of her father-just in case you were truly wondering. Thanks again guys._**

**_I do NOT own Twilight Saga's characters...Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to play with them. :D_**


	7. Some People Just Dont Grasp The Concept

_7. _**SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT GRASP THE CONCEPT OF 'UNWELCOME'**

I was right on the verge of feeling alive again.

Being around Raeleigh was effortless, as easy as breathing for me. I thought it was the same way with _her, _but I'd been wrong. The moment I heard Bella call out Raeleigh's name, and that sickening sweet smell filled my nostrils, the trembling of pure pain and heartbreak returned. I went outside as quickly as I could to cool off, but cooling down wasn't an option for me. Not anymore. Not when it came to her. Of course _he _was with her, following her as closely as he could like a shadow. She moves, he moves.

The door opened suddenly and I turned around, expecting it to be Bella, but it was Nina instead. I peered into the house, Paul and Embry looking at me worriedly. I assumed they sent her out to talk to me after seeing my sudden escape. I crossed my arms, remaining silent, and kicked at the dirt. Nina pulled her jacket closer to her body before crossing her arms and leaned against the side of the small house. She hadn't spoken a word and I knew she only waited for me to be the one to talk first. I knew she didn't want to push any uncomfortable buttons.

Tears made themselves known, stinging my dry eyes. I tried to fight them back, and for the most part it worked…until my heightened senses took hold and I was able to hear _her _chatting happily in the house with the guys. I growled as the shaking rolled through my whole body, my hands clenched into tight fists. I punched the door that led to the laundry room-a small building that connected to the back of that house-and rested my forehead on the door for a moment before hitting it again. I cracked a knuckle but didn't feel the pain at first…my heart was taking care of that for me.

"_You'll always have that spare option if you want it."_

_Bella made an effort to smile. "Until my heart stops beating."_

_I grinned back. "You know, I think I'd still take you-maybe. I guess that depends on how much you stink."_

"_I wonder when it will happen," Bella told me, "When the right girl is going to catch your eye."_

"_Don't get your hopes up, Bella," I told her, my voice abruptly sour, "Though I'm sure it will be a relief for you."_

"_Maybe, maybe not. I probably won't think she's good enough for you. I wonder how jealous I'll be."_

"_That part might be kind of fun," I admitted. With a sigh, I turned my cheek toward her._

_She leaned in and kissed my face softly. "Love you, Jacob."_

_I laughed lightly. "Love you more." _

Still resting my forehead on the door, I reared back and hit the door repetitively, cracking a hole in the wood after each blow.

_Jacob,_

_I'm breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn't want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice._

_I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you - for her - for everything._

_Edward._

I continued punching until there wasn't anything hardly left to punch. Nina took hold of my blood-drenched fist and looked up at me. Tears streamed down my face as I stared in her eyes, unable to think; my mind was so crowded of pain filled memories. I wanted to run as far and as fast as my legs would take me, but I knew it'd do no good. _She'd _still be here when I'd return. "Jake…"

I turned my back on her and sat down on the edge. "I'll be fine," I grunted, my throat tightening up a little more than before.

"Jake…"

"I'll be fine," I insisted a little louder. "In case my right hooks to the door was too subtle for you, let me translate: I don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe not you, but Raeleigh will." She was right. The moment Raeleigh would see the alteration in my hand, she'll burst with questions. I looked down at my shaking hand and wiped the blood onto my jean pants. "She'll notice your hand, your mood. She notices everything about you, Jacob, because she cares so much about you."

My face felt hot-hotter than usual. Raeleigh did care about me, and sometimes I wondered if she was stupid to. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Someone whose brain is so distorted, their heart mangled to bits. I stayed quiet as my throat tightened up, the pain welled up inside me, and buried my head in my trembling hands. After a long while, Nina touched my shoulder gently before disappearing into the house. I gave it a little while before I did the same; making sure my hand was set straight, and my face dry. I sighed and let myself in.

Emily's flat-screen was on, low volume, showing some comedy that only Seth seemed to be watching. Emily and Sam were in the kitchen laughing about something hysterical. Embry, Jared, Paul and Quil played a game of cards while Alice and Jasper watched about a foot or two away. Nina, Charlie, and Billy reminisced at the dinner table. Esme and Carlisle were out of sight, but I heard them murmuring in the back room, despite the intense volume throughout the entire house. Bella was on the larger of the two couches with a thin blanket wrapped around her. Edward sat closely beside Bella with her sock-covered feet in his lap. They seemed to be talking about something serious at some point at she stared unhappily in space, that little crease between her eyes that she got when she was stressed out. I didn't like the sight of it. Rosalie sat cross-legged on the ground near the center of the couch with Emmett behind her, massaging her shoulders gingerly.

Edward looked over at me when I came in and smiled at me-just a little twitch of his mouth-like something I did pleased him. Bella didn't hear me come in, as her mind was somewhere else. She only glanced up when he shifted in the cushion, and then she smiled, too.

Normally, I'd've smiled back and do a little something sweet to make her cheeks turn pink. Normally, I'd've done it to piss _him _off, but I wasn't in the mood, and even if I was, I wouldn't act upon it. At any rate, I didn't want her to think that I still loved her. For crying out loud, she was _married! _Happily married, too-there was no question that she was in love with her bloodsucker past the boundaries of _normalcy. _

So why the hell did she have to be so damn thrilled to see me? Like I'd made her whole freakin' day by walking through the door. If she would just not care…Or more than that-really not want me around. It would be so much easier to stay with Raeleigh…

Edward grinned, just a small change in the set of his mouth. Nothing that would catch the others' attention, mind you. It was obvious he was reading my mind, listening in on everything I thought. I scowled at him. I knew he was more than happy to _hear _how I cared for Raeleigh-probably just as much as she cared for me-and not Bella. _Bastard._

He was frowning now as he took notice of her beaming smile while she stared at me. It was obvious in her expression that she'd still cared for me. After all the options I threw at her, the forced kisses, everything I'd done to make her see that she loved me…and now I didn't want it at all. A little hypocritical, if you ask me. Edward nodded once, seeming to be in agreement to my thoughts. I scoffed and trudged up the stairs, my only goal to drag myself far enough into the house that the air would be stink free again.

Then I heard footsteps while I slogged across the room.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"It will only take a moment, dear."

I turned slowly with my head titled to the side and my arms crossed. Clearly, I wasn't in the mood to 'have a moment' with anyone, especially Bella, but she apparently insisted as she continued up the stairs. When she reached the top, she stopped and hugged her stomach. She opened her mouth to speak but then hesitated, like she didn't know how to phrase was she was thinking. She had an apology in her expression.

"I've missed you," she whispered softly.

I clenched my teeth together hard as my hands flexed into tight, trembling fists. "Don't," I demanded in a growl. I tried to keep my guard up, keep the façade from vanishing from my face, but the glistening up in my eyes gave it all away. I stared down at my feet the moment I realized she looked right through the bull. "You're married," I reminded her.

"You didn't even come to the wedding," she'd said, her tone firmer now.

I shook my head and continued to shuffle my fee against the beige carpet and looked back up at her. "No. No, I came," I clarified. "You just didn't see _me_." I stared into her perfectly chocolate brown eyes and watched as the pinkness in her cheeks brightened. "You're married," I reminded firmly. "You don't get to miss me."

"C'mon Jake," she pleaded, "You know that's not fair."

"Do I?"

"You _should_," she whispered. "I mean, whatever happened to fighting for me until my heart stops beating?" She asked, full of hurt.

"Yeah," I grunted and crossed my arms. "Well, you know what they say…people change," I told her. "And you will too. You won't be Bella anymore. So what's the point? You decided, Bella. You could'a had me the way I am-bad behavior included- or not at all. You chose no."

She stared at me, frustrated. "You are so…" she started but hesitated, like she was scared to hurt my feelings. God forbid she do something that tiny! Like I couldn't handle it. Hurting my feelings was nothing compared to the fire that'd burned me internally. "…impossible."

"Yeah," I sighed. "But at least _I'm_ still me." I moved passed her in a hurry, making sure not to touch her skin, as my knees might buckle from under me and I'd beg for her to take me, to make me hers.

"Jake," she whispered, grasping my arm. I closed my eyes tightly as if I'd expected to feel pain with her touch. But I felt nothing, nothing at all. "I…please…"

I turned to her slowly and stared into her eyes. "I've missed you too, Bells." She seemed almost relieved at my words. "I'm sorry. But this doesn't change anything between us."

I still loved her. The dry, scorching ache in my throat gave proof to that. And I knew what loving her entailed. Loving her would only make me feel more lonely than I already was with my hatred, and the pain that was so bad it was like being tortured. Pain so bad you'd take death with a smile just to get away from it. To me, she made it feel like I was staring out across an ocean that I'd have to swim from shore to shore before I could rest again. Like being dragged sluggishly across a bed of freshly sharpened razor blades.

But then I heard something, _felt _something that pulled me away from that bed of blades, that ocean of pain, the scorching ache in my throat. Raeleigh's voice. It was _her _voice that pulled me away from the fiery pit of hatred, loneliness, and pain. It was her voice that made my heart flutter, mend back into its correct shape.

Bella saw it and felt it too. She saw and felt the physical and emotional changed that Raeleigh'd done to my heart, my soul. Slowly, she removed her hand from my arm as she watched the dire need in my eyes to tend to Rae. She sighed heavily and slumped her body like she'd given up. She nodded as if she understood it all. "Are you two…"

"No," I answered quickly.

"So you didn't…"

"No." Truth be told, I wanted to tell her that I had, just so she'd know that she couldn't matter to me anymore. But I couldn't lie. She knew me too well. "Now…if you'll excuse me. I'm very much needed downstairs."

The air seemed different after I'd left the stairs. No doubt it still stank from the wretched odor from the leeches as they made themselves at home, but still different. I scanned the room and found Raeleigh sitting on a stool with her feet dangling off the floor. She yawned tiredly and rested her head on the counter. I more than happily approached her and wrapped my arms around her slender waist before gently kissing her cheek.

"You okay?" She asked after unfortunately noticing the stiffness in my stance.

I looked down at her and smiled. Instantly her face went from worrisome to pure happiness. "I'm more than okay."


	8. What Do I Look Like? The Wizard of Oz?

**8. What Do I Look Like? The Wizard Of OZ?**

**You Need A Heart? Go Ahead.**

**Take Mine. **

_**Raeleigh**_

I waited for Jacob's awkward stiffness to unwind. It never did; he continued to stand so still with his arms wrapped around me like he was having difficulties letting go.

I was worried, of course. This wasn't his normal behavior.

It was obvious that Bella's presence alone was the main cause of his odd behavior, the distortion of his fist, and the dried blood on his tattered jean shorts. Every time she spoke, his hands - which were wrapped around mine - balled into tight fists. It was quite clear, judging by the look on his face that he hadn't wanted to respond to her inquiries, either, but he acknowledged what she had to say, anyhow. It was as if he couldn't escape her, escape the aching pain in his chest. I tried not to think about it, but it'd become too inevitable.

He looked down at me and I watched as his face clouded over. "You've been quiet. What's wrong, Ro?"

"Nothing is wrong with _me_," I grunted simply and eyed him a little. He caught on quicker than I anticipated and nodded slightly. "What happened upstairs?"

"Nothing," he responded almost too quickly. I pulled away from his as-good-as-a-furnace embrace and crossed my arms. Jacob, apparently, didn't like the reminder; the pain in his eyes gave proof to that as they narrowed at me. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, I do," I told him. Stubbornness. A trait I inherited from my father. I carry it well, if you ask me. "I'm sick and tired of you being too quiet, Jake. When're you going to finally get it through your thick skull that I give a-"

"Who fancies a game of football?" Jasper interrupted as he entered the room with said football in hand. I suddenly felt really calm, and I think Jacob did too. He eyed us for a second later before heading toward the front entrance. Jacob sighed heavily and started toward the door, but I pulled him back toward me.

We eyed each other for what seemed like forever. I opened my mouth to speak but was, again, interrupted but by Paul this time. "Jake…dude…" he called out as he stalked out of the kitchen. He stopped behind Jacob and massaged his shoulders, trying to pull him out of his funk. "C'mon, let's go." He looked at me and winked before sprinting out the door, his shirt already halfway over his head.

Since when did a game of football require _less _clothing?

"Jake!" Paul called, more impatiently now. I fought back the chuckle rising in my throat. "Dude, c'mon! I'm getting old here!"

With his eyes now closed tightly, Jacob exhaled deeply as he tried to control the tiny tremors in his fists. When they stopped, he opened his eyes and found me staring up at him. "Raeleigh-"

"You should go," I interrupted in a grumble. "You know, before Paul has a heatstroke or something," I finished, referring to Paul's hot-headedness.

He stood there for a second before letting his body slump like he'd given up. "Right." He didn't argue. Instead, he just shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean shorts and shrugged his way through the front door, with me tailing slowly behind him.

The gray afternoon had slid toward a darker, more depressing evening. The wind intensified, bringing the rain so cold that it turned to ice that stuck to whatever it touched. I wasn't surprised really. The weather was as it usually is - inevitable. My face met the icy blast straight on, and the frozen crystals stung my face, making the bones beneath the flesh ache.

But pain was good. Pain was real. It lets you know you're still alive, which cut through the roiling, colorless nothingness that stuffed my head. The same pain I've tried escaping, only to make me realize why I was here. Because, underneath all the anger and the sarcasm, Jacob was in pain. It was clear in his eyes. I didn't know how to help him, but I knew I had to try, because his pain hurt me, too. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.

I watched in fascination as Sam struggled to keep the guys in order, to usher them into their proper positions. To me, it was just an ordinary football game in somebody's backyard. But to them, it seemed like something much more thrilling. When I focused on the Cullens' team, I noticed that they too looked very serious. They looked like they were having a serious conversation, with the occasion head-nod from the other players. But I noticed it was, just like the Quileutes, something more than just a friendly game.

"Paul!" Sam shouted, catching my attention instantly. I looked over and watched as Sam, very firmly, demanded for Paul to keep beside him. Paul did so, but with a small roll of his eyes and a heavy sigh. Embry then approached Sam, tapping his shoulder. He looked confused about something. "No, Embry. You're on my left side. _Paul's _on the right." Then he looked relieved. "Seth…could you, for one second, leave the damn ball alone? We're not ready yet."

I watched as Jake strode over to them when Sam called his name, his back to me and his hands had left his pockets. Now, he just looked out of place, awkward. I hated to see him so down. "Ten on the Quileute's," I murmured to Bella, but kept my eye on Jacob. From my peripheral, I saw Bella turn to me and grin in agreement to the bet. I looked back toward Jake; he was now standing in position at the left side of the field, all the guys surrounding him in a huddle. He looked back toward me and waved, his mouth turning up in a half smile. Hopefully that meant that he was happy again.

"We'll go two quarters, with a ten-second half-time," Jasper began laying out the rules, in a clear, slightly musical tone.

The game started and I watched anxiously from my spot on the sideline - sitting at the edge of the porch - cheering Jacob on whenever he stole the ball. He was fast - faster than I remember - and he shot across the yard and toward the makeshift pole Sam used to form a goal. When he made the touchdown, Jacob threw the ball into the ground and raised both hands into the air. Paul and Jared shouted 'Touchdown!' and cheered along with the rest of the team. When Jacob looked up at me, he smiled - his white teeth gleaming, despite the gloominess of the evening - and winked.

I winked back, now that I could see his aura brightening up a little more as time passed. Bella noticed it too. Her cheeks burned brightly against her pale skin as she saw the smile Jacob shared with me. My smile. A smile that might have been once hers. I didn't let it bother me, though. I couldn't let it bother me. She was married. The huge ring that practically hid her entire ring-finger gave proof to that.

As the game continued on, I noticed how much more fierce the players on both teams became, like I'd noticed them during their preparations. They tackled into one another roughly, receiving a loud grunting noise on impact. Even the pretty blond, Rosalie, participated in the ridiculous behavior. Carlisle and Esme seemed to always help one another - whether it be tackling the opposing team's player, or stealing the ball for a touchdown.

As the clock wound down, the two teams got into position on either side of the ball. My teeth sank into my lip as I watched the clock tick down to ten seconds remaining. "Down... Set... Hike," Sam called. Paul hiked him the ball and immediately stood up to prevent Emmet from sacking Sam before he could snap the ball off. I flinched for half a second as I caught Carlisle and Esme double-team Quil, but my attention was quickly focused on the ball as Sam heaved it out of his hand in a Hail Mary pass. My eyes scanned the field for possible receivers, and I cheered as I saw Jacob's eyes focus on the spiraling pigskin.

Bella and I danced in our seats as we watched Jacob and Edward race to catch the ball that still soared through the air. Edward was in the lead and he seemed most likely to make the interception, but Jacob lowered his shoulder, ramming Edward out of the way as he reached up and plucked the ball from the air just above Edward's head. In less than a second, the ball was tucked under his arm as he barreled his way toward the end zone. I watched as Paul finished knocking Edward to the ground as Jacob danced into the end zone, spiking the ball so hard it seemed like it had just been buried and forgotten. Paul, Quil, Embry, Jared, Seth, and Sam all slammed into Jacob, cutting his dance of celebration short.

I rose immediately to hobble as fast as I could manage toward the mound of Quileutes. "C'mon, guys. Let him up," I demanded in a playful laugh.

They peeled themselves apart until Jacob was finally able to stand up. As soon as he saw me, he approached me with open arms for a hug, and before I could take another step toward him to oblige, he rushed forward, lifted me and squeezed, with his arms wrapped around me like vises. Air whooshed out of my lungs, and as soon as he heard the low gurgle in the back of my throat, he loosened his grip immediately. Air rushed down my throat and into my lungs as I gulped in a few mouthfuls through my wide grin. "Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know!" I yelled. Jacob just laughed in return and pulled me into another hug, but made sure it wasn't as tight as before.

When he set me down a few minutes later, I took a step back and assessed how ruined my clothes now were. I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes back up at Jacob, catching him trying to stifle the laugh that burst out of his lungs as soon as he realized I'd caught him. As my own smile returned to my face, I realized that I couldn't stand being mad at Jacob after seeing him this way - truly and completely happy.

After a few silent heartbeats, I watched as Jacob's smile slowly grew wider and I chuckled lightly to myself at his new expression. There was no doubt that I enjoyed this side of Jacob, but it was almost more than I could handle. What, exactly, was the cause of this new found contentment? He took both of my cold hands in his and rubbed them gently. As he looked down at me, I noticed that there was something in his expression that I hadn't noticed before. Hope, perhaps?

"Take a walk with me."

I hesitated at first, not really knowing what he was up to. Biting my lip in thought, I glanced back at the house and watched as everyone preoccupied themselves. Of course they'd be too busy, too distracted to even notice our sudden absence, I thought to myself.

"Wait up. My legs aren't as long as yours," I called out.

Jacob's stride broke immediately, skidding to a halt with his shoes gouging furrows in the mud. When I caught up to him, he scooped me up, cradled me in his arms and continued east. I kept my eyes on him, trying to study him.

"What're you thinking about?" I asked, after a long, quiet time.

Jacob's lips twitched, fighting another wider smile, but his attempt failed. My face mimicked his, as it was becoming a little contagious.

"Would I be wrong to say that my thoughts are of you?" he asked. I remained silent, a little shocked at his response; something I wasn't expecting at all in return. He glanced over at me and laughed shyly before biting his lip in thought.

Jacob was thinking about _me? _Why? Was _I _the cause of his sudden, new-found contentment? The creases between my eyebrows deepened as I rested my body against his warm chest, trying to make sense of it all.

"Thinking about you is a little easier on my heart than it is when I think about Bella. It just hurts a lot less."

I could understand why he of all people would feel that way. Bella was married. There was no question that she loved her Edward - past the borderline of sanity, mind you - so why was she so damn thrilled to see Jacob? Like he'd made her whole freaking day just waltzing through the door.

We ended up on the beach again, wandering aimlessly for a little while before stopping at a huge piece of driftwood. Jacob gently set me down on the natural bench and leaned against the fallen tree, keeping his arm loosely around me for warmth. Rain started to fall a little harder now and I blinked furiously as the drops pelted on my face. Jacob wore no shirt, as usual; the rain had washed the dried blood from his jean shorts, and dripped through his long, black hair which was then matted to his skin. His face was now expressionless as he waited silently, staring off into the distance, seemingly unable to express what he'd wanted to say next.

Then he was suddenly on his feet, and I watched as he leaned forward and grabbed a few of the unique colored, smooth stones and rolled them around in his supernaturally large hands. He was still for a moment, his eyes focused on the crashing waves and then he reared back and launched one stone at a time into the water, making a grunting noise with each heave. Four out of five stones made it in. I smiled at his mostly-successful attempt but the smile faded as soon as it had formed when I noticed he wasn't smiling. He came back to the fallen driftwood tree and leaned against it again, wrapping his arm around me once more.

I felt oddly buoyant as I sat comfortably on the huge piece of driftwood, and it wasn't because I had the most perfect guy holding me gently while I lay comfortably, nuzzled against his frame, though that was certainly part of it. Maybe it was the knowledge that my despair was served and I was a free woman again.

Or maybe it wasn't anything to do with me specifically. Maybe it was something entirely different, the atmosphere, perhaps. Whatever the reason…I enjoyed it. A lot.

But there was still something about him that made me a little uneasy, worried even. He was stiff, just like earlier, with his heart pounding a little too hard, too fast for my comfort. I assumed he was nervous about something…but what could he possibly be nervous about? Biting my lip in thought, I glanced up at Jacob and considered asking him about his returned awkwardness, but I didn't want to pry. He'd already been through so much…

"R-" He broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like something had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep breath.

I laid still in his arms for a moment, waiting for him to continue, but when he remained silent, I sat up and looked over at him. His cheeks burned brightly as he faced the other direction, avoiding my gaze. So he _was _shy…

"Raeleigh..." he whispered after a moment. His voice was so low that I had to lean a few inches closer in order to hear him. His breathing was uneven; whatever he was trying to do, it was so difficult he was practically panting.

I took his face in my hands, his face warmer than usual, so he was looking at me now. "Jake, just say it. It's okay," I told him and caressed his face gently.

But he didn't say anything at all. Instead, he remained silent, just staring me in the eye, like he was trying to tell me everything he'd ever wanted to. His eyes scanned my face after a short moment, as if he were looking for an answer to a question he had brewed inside his cluttered mind. He took my face in his enormous, too-warm hands and held it just a few inches from his and rested his forehead on mine. His body slumped like he'd given up and sighed softly - his breath was as hot as his skin.

I ran my cool hands behind his neck and down his back a little. Jacob smiled, just a small change in the set of his mouth, and closed his eyes.

"Jake…" I started was but was stopped when Jacob did something unexpected. Something that should have infuriated me. But it didn't. Leaning in, Jacob brushed his too warm lips against mine…

And kissed me.


	9. Sure As Hell Didnt See That One Coming

Time passes, even for me. Even when it seems impossible. It passes roughly, sometimes too slowly, and on occasion too fast to enjoy the time you experienced, but pass it does. Even for me.

Raeleigh gasped when my lips melted around hers-sweet and soft-and I felt her back stiffen beneath my hand which was resting on the small of her back. I untangled my other hand from her long, curly hair as my cheeks filled with blood, leaving my face feeling hot despite the terrifyingly cold weather.

"I'm sorry," I muttered quickly, mentally berating myself. Of course she didn't want me to kiss her. How could I have been so unbelievably stupid? Being with Raeleigh made it easy to forget that I was ever heartbroken. Not because being with her made things easier on my heart, but because loving Raeleigh was so effortless, as natural as phasing. But as easy as things between us were, it would, of course, take some time before I could fully be _me _again.

"No." The opposition came quickly and was accompanied by a little shake of the head. I furrowed my eyebrows and waited for her to continue the thought. "It's not- It's just..." I stared at her face, waiting as she placed the words in order. A pained looked flashed across her face. "Bella," she sighed a moment later.

I gasped this time. Her response surprised me. My answer was immediate and grim. "What about her?" I tried to make it sound like just another boring word, but just ended up emphasizing how horrible it was to think about B-_her_.

She took a deep, slow breath and stared unseeingly at our entwined hands for a long moment. Her mouth twisted in the tiniest bit. When she finally looked up and I met her eyes, I quickly noticed that they were so different, almost unrecognizable. Harder, like the liquid hazel had frozen solid. My stomach clenched and my brain screamed in protest to this unknown face. "Jacob," she started, her tone firm. "Stop deluding yourself into thinking I don't know. I know you still love her. And married or not, Bella still loves you. Maybe it wasn't in the way you'd hoped, but she still cares. She cares a lot."

There was a pause as I repeated her words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"She…doesn't…love me." The words tasted bitter on my tongue. Hearing the sound of them placed in that order hurt me, but what hurt the most was the realization that my voice was calm and reasonable while I spoke it. The feeling of being heartbroken was so familiar, it had become like Novocain to me now. "I don't-" The denial started before I could check it. This was _Raeleigh._ She'd see through the lie the moment I spoke - No, the moment I finished the thought of it. This was my chance to lay it all out. It was what she wanted. It was what I needed. I knew my secrets would be safe with her. My heart would stay safe, unharmed.

With a heavy sigh, I gave in.

"Yes, I do still care for her a lot, you're right. And ya know what? A lot of those times, I really wish I didn't. She sees me as her best friend, nothing more. And that's hard to deal with some- no, most of the time." Raeleigh's eyes narrowed a little at my words and I hurried to correct them. "Okay, okay. All the time.

"She's married, it's not my job to make her happy. At one point, it was all I'd ever wanted. But now, it's like...like I make her whole freakin' day just by walking through the door."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I couldn't force it down. I felt Raeleigh's eyes on me, searching for my eyes, before I felt her cool hands against my cheeks. Her fingers caught my falling tears as she pulled my face to look at her. She rested her forehead against mine and stared into my eyes. I raised my hands to her face, caressing each cheek and catching her tears. "You're not supposed to be the one crying, Rae."

I wasn't in that healthier place Raeleigh was headed. I wasn't going to be able to fall in love like a normal person. Not when I was bleeding over someone else. No matter how much I tried, or how much I wanted it to, my life was not going to come together like that. The pain made it feel like I was trapped on one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can't make your body move fast enough. It was just like that for me. I couldn't run away fast enough, or far enough, without the pain returning to torture me again. There was no escaping it.

Raeleigh laughed one hard chuckle. "I'm not about to sit here and just watch you crumble into a thousand pieces, Jake," she told me in a gentle voice that was forceful at the same time. "If you think I'm going to just sit back and let you go through this agony alone, you're crazier than I thought."

My mind went blank with surprise. There were no words to describe how I was feeling at this very moment.

"I know it's hard for you, Jacob. I understand that - maybe more than you think. Bella's a great kid, but she's not everything you make 'er out to be. She's everything you want and everything you can't have."

I sighed heavily and tried to pull away but her grasp on my face tightened, disabling me from budging free.

"But you have to think positive, even if it seems impossible. You have to remember that Bella is happy. At least she's alive and well…"

_Alive. _The last words sent a bolt of fury that ripped right through me. It was hard to control; I shuddered viciously beneath her hands. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to keep my breathing steady to control the shaking. It was a good thing I didn't have her delicate face in between my monstrous hands. If I'd lost the _slightest _control…

"…I know that you love her enough to want her happiness. You just don't want to stick around and watch, and I totally get it. J.B, I want you to know that I don't want to make anything worse for you than it already is. You've already helped me, in more ways than one. Let me help you now."

I was way past being able to respond.

She sighed heavily and repositioned herself so I was looking her in the eye. And then she was suddenly the palliative Raeleigh I've grown to love. "Let me in, Jacob. I want to help you, like you've helped me. I'm happier now, as a apart of your life, than I have been in years. It's all easier with you. Let me in. I can't help you if you don't let me…"

The pleasant edge to her words left me floundering. I hadn't expected to have my anger trumped. "You know, Rae, you might want to rethink that a little bit before you make any final decisions. My head isn't something I'd call homey, or healthy. It's distorted, cluttered, and confusing. And you'd have to suffer right along with me."

She was quiet for a few moments, staring past me now. Her breathing quickened and took on a rugged tone when her throat tightened. "I'd rather deal with your pain than remember and face my own," she said, her words catching in her throat as her tears built up again. Her lower lip trembled and she bit down on it hard to keep it from quivering.

I knew then that I had options. The same options I once offered Bella. I could take the easy way out by following Raeleigh and help heal her heart, or constantly yearn for the girl I was never going to get. My heart ached as I watched the single tear slowly caress Raeleigh's cheek as she continued to stare past me. It was darker outside now; I doubted Raeleigh would be able to see her own hand, even just inches from her face. But with my heightened senses, I saw through the darkness that surrounded us. I could smell the salt in her tears, taste her cool, sweet breath on my tongue as she exhaled slowly.

After a long while, Raeleigh took an easier breath to calm her small sobs and nuzzled her body perfectly against my frame for warmth. As she rested her head against my shoulder, I couldn't help but relish in how perfectly our bodies fit together. She was surprisingly cool against my chest, but that didn't last long. One minute was all it took to put the color back in her cheeks. I ran my finger across her cheekbone, and her skin was wet where I touched it.

"Don't cry," I murmured quickly, holding her tighter against my chest. I kissed the top of her hair; the scent of the woods was there, mixed with the pleasant aroma of her lavender shampoo. It was a nice combination, the sweet lavender with the undertone of pine and fresh dirt.

"I'm not. I'm fine," she protested and I felt her dry her tears with her hand. "It's the uh…salt in the air. Burns my eyes."

"Sure, sure," I chuckled. "It's getting pretty late," I announced after a short moment. "You wanna head back?"

She sighed. "It is pretty late," she said in agreement, but dodged the question entirely. "I'm surprised no one's come to look for us."

Raeleigh fell silent as she mused against my chest. The feeling of her body against mine was so right, like I'd found the missing piece in the puzzle that was my life. She laid her hand over my heart for a moment before she started tracing little designs against my skin. I smiled and began running a lock of her hair between my fingers.

"Hey Jake?" She whispered softly. If it weren't for my supernatural hearing, I wouldn't've heard her at all. I looked down at her in response, finding her big, hazel eyes on me. I raised my eyebrows and waited for her to continue. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded a little. "Of course."

"I mean," she started and her face twisted into a pensive look. "I mean, without you getting angry with me."

"Yeah," I murmured and braced myself.

She stared up at me for a moment longer before returning her eyes toward the sound of the ocean. "Why, exactly, did you kiss me?"

I sucked in a deep breath and held it there for a moment before slowly exhaling. "You know that day, when we were at the Lodge…"

She was silent at first but then a small smile spread across her face and her cheeks warmed up a little at the memory. "Yeah, of course."

I started to reply but then snapped my mouth shut, unable to explain what I wanted to say correctly. I struggled silently for a few heartbeats and then exhaled. "Do you remember what you told me?" I asked.

I waited, but she didn't answer. A frown line formed between her eyebrows as she concentrated on my question, her lips pressed together in thought.

I sighed. "You know. You told me you felt different when you're around me. That you feel like you can be happy again." My cheeks were burning again as I reminded her.

Despite it being pitch black outside, I watched as her face turned pink at the reminder I'd given her. The color was so beautiful - it hugged my heart warmly against my ribs in an unfamiliar, yet comfortable way. The feeling was unexpected - a little terrifying even - but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Warm hazel eyes - the color of caramel, chocolate, and mint mixed together - rested on my face, more focused than any eyes had ever been, as if they stared into my soul. Heat flooded through my entire body, stronger than ever, but it was a new kind of heat - not a _burning. _

It was a glowing.

All the pain that had built up inside me came undone as I stared at the russet skinned face staring back at me, and I realized that my world no longer revolved around Bella Swan. I was surprised to find that thinking her name alone no longer pained my heart. All the lines that had held me down were sliced apart, like clipping the strings to a million balloons, in swift cuts. I wasn't left drifting, though I left lighter, unbound. There was a new string that held me where I was. No. Not one string, but a million more than previous. Not strings, but steel cables. Two million steel cables all tying me down to one thing. Bella's gravitational pull no longer tied me to the place where I sat comfortably. It was the angel in my arms that held me here now.

Raeleigh.

Then, there was a new sound. A sound that was unfamiliar to me. It was a frantic pounded, a racing heart…

A changing heart.

A healing heart.

My heart.

When I stared into Raeleigh's eyes, I realized she was everything I'd been searching for in Bella. It seemed to me that the best relationships - the ones that truly last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. It's like, one day you find yourself looking at that person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch was flicked somewhere. And that person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

"Raeleigh…"

I looked back down at her face then, so close to mine. Her eyes were shut and she appeared to be frowning. "Shh. It's okay, you don't have to say anything." She paused for a second without opening her eyes - like she was waiting for me to respond. When I didn't say anything, like she'd said, she went on. "We get off track sometimes, Jake. You know, out of balance. You're supposed to be a part of my life - I can feel that, and so can you. We're just out of balance…too messed up to see straight…"

Her voice trailed off and the assumed frown across her face relaxed until it was just a little pucker. I watched as she fell into a peaceful slumber, curling herself closer to my chest. Her jaw had gone slack and a soft snore made itself known from the back of her throat.

I smiled to myself and carefully got up from the driftwood tree, making sure not to disrupt her sleep. She looked so comfortable curled up in my arms, so at peace. Her face was completely serene and I'd never really taken the time to just stop and really look at her face, but now that I was, I really _saw _how beautiful she really was. She was so beautiful. No, more than that. Gorgeous. Radiant. Stunning.

Raeleigh stirred in her sleep and repositioned herself in my arms, laying upright with her legs wrapped loosely around my waist, her arms draped over my shoulders, and her face buried in the side of my neck for warmth. I felt her lips move against my neck as she muttered a couple times, but her words were too mumbled to comprehend fully. It came to a point where the only words I could make out were the _the'_s and the _and'_s. Even my own name was thrown in there.

I walked slower on the way back to Emily's. I was in no rush. I didn't really want to go where I was headed. Back to the house where Bella'd gladly welcome me with her infuriating, irresistible smile that broke across her face every time her eyes flashed to me. I braced myself, not wanting to feel the pain I'd tried running from. Back to feeling absolutely alone with it.

Okay, that was a little melodramatic. I _knew_ I wouldn't be all alone, but that wasn't necessarily a _good_ thing. Raeleigh would have to suffer right along with me. What killed me is that she'd rather my pain than hers. She didn't deserve her peace of mind ruined, but it was, at least, something she understood. Or at least something she _claims _to understand…

It was earlier than I'd anticipated when I got to the house. I didn't hesitate at this door; I just walked through like I owned the place. Emily's flat-screen was still on, muted volume, showing some chick flick that no one seemed to be watching. It was darker throughout the house too, and it seemed that Nina and Emily were the only ones in the house now, and I could hear their whispers from upstairs, along with their feet shuffling against the white carpet.

I listened carefully, trying to listen to other sounds, the wind in the trees. It wasn't the same, not with human ear. There were a million voices in the wind that I couldn't hear in this body.

But these ears were sensitive enough. I could hear past the trees, to the road, the sounds of the cars coming around that last bend where you could finally see the beach - the vista of the islands and the rocks and the big blue ocean stretching to horizon. The La Push cops liked to hang out right there. Tourists never noticed the reduced speed limit on the other side of the road.

I could hear the voices outside the souvenir shop on the beach. I could hear the cowbell clanging as the door opened and closed, and Embry's mom at the cash register, printing out her nightly report to end her shift. I could hear the tide raking across the beach rocks. I could hear the kids squeal as they icy water rushed in too fast for them to get out of the way. I could hear the moms complain about the wet clothes.

I was listening so hard that Nina's sudden greeting made me jump about two feet in the air. She chuckled at my reaction and glanced over at Raeleigh. Her smile faded and deep creases between her brows formed in thought. My eyes flickered to the sleeping beauty then back to Nina. "Don't worry. She's sound asleep. She stirred a couple times, but I don't think she'll be waking up anytime soon."

She nodded a little, just a small shake of her head, and gestured toward the pull out couch. I gently laid Raeleigh down, removed her socks and shoes, and pulled the covers snuggly over her. She smiled a little before rolling over to her side and mumbled another time. I chuckled to myself and gently kissed her forehead. Far away, a howl rose out of the forest.

Emily sighed. "That's Sam," she whispered and crossed her arms tightly across her chest.

I growled a little before I took of running, not for the dirt path through the weedy hedge, but in the shortest line toward the forest. I hurdled the first line of driftwood and then ripped my way through the briars, still running. I felt the little tears as the thorns cut into my skin, but I ignored them. Their sting would be healed before I made the trees.

I cut behind the store and darted across the highway. Somebody honked at me and yelled something I didn't quite catch. Once in the safety of the trees, I ran faster, taking longer strides. People would stare if I was out in the open. Normal people couldn't run like this. Sometimes I thought it might be fun to enter a race - you know, like the Olympic trials or something. It would be cool to watch the expression on the star athletes' faced when I blew by them. Only I was pretty sure the testing they did to make sure you weren't on steroids would probably turn up some really freaky crap in my blood.

As soon as I was in the true forest, unbound by roads or houses, I skidded to a stop and kicked me shorts off. With quick, practical moves, I rolled them up and tired them to the leather cord I wore around my ankle. As I was still pulling the ends tight, I started shifting. The fire trembled down my spine, throwing tight spasms out along my arms and legs. It took only a second. The heat flooded through me, and I felt the silent shimmer that made me something else. I threw my heavy paws against the matted earth and stretched my back in one long, rolling extension.

I didn't have to tell the pack that I was on my way - they could see the forest blurring past me as I sprinted toward them. I didn't have to tell them that I'd completely given up on Bella, either. The happiness in my head was obvious.

They saw everything - the tears in Raeleigh's eyes; her raspy voice: _I'm happier now, as apart of your life, than I have been in years; _the thudding of my changing heart: _Not a burning. It was a glowing_; the kiss - and for once, no one had anything to say.

Their shock was just a silent shout in my head. Completely wordless.

_!_

I was halfway there before anyone recovered. It was still pretty dark out - the clouds covered the night moon completely - and I risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen, then they all started running to meet me.

The babble in my head was total chaos. Everyone shouting at once.

_Cut 'em a break, guys. We have more important things to discuss, _Sam ordered and eyed me for another second before turning his back on us. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears flat against the sides of their head. I followed after a short moment, Embry and Quil on my flanks. Seth was dragging behind with Colin and Brady - the new kids - and Leah had assumed point there.

We met up was about ten miles out of La Push, in a clearing left by the loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain where no one would see us. Once we got to our meeting location, Leah dropped onto her haunches beside her brother while Paul trotted forward to stand by Sam's right hand. I wondered why I was the only one on my feet. My fur stood up on my shoulders, bristling with impatience. Sam's hackles were sticking straight up as he paced back and forth in the center of the ring, and we watched in silence, waiting for him to speak first.

He remained silent. I felt his feelings of agitation while he snarled in low bursts.

I shook my head, feeling unsteady as I rose slowly to my feet - the circling wolf was making me dizzy. The wolf beside me, either Embry or Quil, got up, too and pushed his shoulder against mine, propping me up.

_Sam, what's going on? _I insisted.

Then I felt his thoughts flicker to me - and not just his, but Embry's and Jared's and mine as well. There were no words spoken, but the silence that filled the air was now full of meaning, so profound and the three of us fully understood. I felt a jolt go through me at the memory in my head of the girl in the woods. The wolf propping me up shuddered at the image I displayed and his legs seemed to buckle under him, but managed to stay on his feet by sheer willpower.

Sam pulled the young girl, her lifeless body, from our minds and put it on display for everyone. Seth winced and took a few steps back as if trying to back away from the image. He didn't deserve this, to have his peace of mind in ruins.

The pack was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts as they circled around us.

_How can this be? What does this mean?_

_Not safe. Dangerous. _

_We can't allow it._

The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but myself and three others. I didn't have to look over with either my eyes or my mind to see who sat beside me.

_The treaty is broken. _

_This puts everyone in danger._

I tried to understand the spiraling voices as their unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together, but it wasn't making sense. The pictures in the center of their thoughts were my pictures, Jared's pictures, Embry's - the very worse of them. The girl's bruises, the nothingness in her eyes.

_If they wont stop it, we will._

_Protect the tribe._

_Protect our families._

I struggled to focus, to pick out individual voices.

_There's no time to waste, _Leah thought.

_It will mean a fight, _Quil cautioned. _A bad one. _There was more excitement in his mind than most of the others. When Quil watched Jasper's instruction those nights, he'd been dying to test his skill against the vampires.

_We're more than ready, _Paul insisted.

_We'll need surprise on our side, _Sam thought gruffly.

_If we catch them divided, we can take them down separately. It will increase out chances of victory, _Leah thought, strategizing now.

_Wait, _I thought.

The circling paused for one beat, and then they were pacing again. The tension had everyone's fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker now, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil.

_There's no time, Jake, _Sam said firmly. _The treaty is broken._

_You don't know that._

_We can't take chances with the unknown in this case, _he growled. _We can only allow the Cullens to exist while we're absolutely sure they can be trusted to not cause harm. We have to protect the tribe. Protect our families. And I am willing to do anything to make sure no one else gets hurt. When blood drinkers hunt on our land, we destroy them, we take them out, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone._

_If we challenge them, Sam, they will defend themselves well. We have to think about what's best for the pack before we make any rash decisions. _

_Are you afraid, Jacob? _

I growled. _Are you so ready to lose a brother? _I paused. _Or a sister? _I tracked on as an afterthought. _Think about Raeleigh and Nina. Think about what it'll do to them. You want to protect the tribe and our families? Fine. But this is not the way to go. You'd only destroy the pack over nothing, Sam. We have no proof it was even them. All we have is a lifeless body._

The silence that surrounded us was obvious that Sam had given up on attacking the Cullens. He huffed in frustration and started pacing again, his thoughts more clear now. The pack sat and watched him patiently, waiting for our next assignment. Seth, however, was the only one on his feet as he stared off into the dark forest, his tail wagging nervously. Leah stood up and approached him before touching her nose against his side.

_What is it? _Leah asked.

_Incoming, _Seth answered. _You feel that? _Seth asked softly and took a step closer toward the forest.

_Someone's phasing? _She asked after absorbing him impressions - the faint, soundless shimmer in the air. One she felt it, we all felt it. Sam stopped pacing and looked in the direction we all now stared.

_Feels like it, _Paul agreed.

There was a sudden movement in the brush at the edge of the clearing, and then a low whimper that followed. Instinct took over and the pack crouched forward, snarling at the pure white wolf as it trotted into view, its small body weaving through the underbrush. Sam growled at the outsider, his ears flattening against his skull.

_Hey, now, _the wolf thought and skipped back a step.

A surprised yelp broke through the pack's teeth, even mine, as the wolf stepped closer. It was then when we knew who it was. Someone so unexpected.

_No freaking way, _Jared and Paul gasped in unison.


End file.
